Provided via Cracked.com, solely for the purpose of allowing you to reset your brain and attitude for the evening and let you get your pulse down a couple of beats.
All that being said, though: bacon salt.. Bacon salt will make you happy. At least, it will make you happy if you also have mashed potatoes. And why don’t you have mashed potatoes, anyway? They’re not hard to make: scrub a potato down, cut it into quarters, dump it into boiling water, come back in a half hour, drain, add a little real milk, a little real butter, and, well, mash them up until it looks right. Then add the bacon salt and more butter.