Apr
11
2009

POLAR BEARS ARE NOT OUR FRIENDS.

(Original tip-off Don Surber)

They are not happy, big fuzzy goofballs that drink Coke with penguins and submit to being ridden by large-breasted Germanic women with eyepatches. They are a half-ton, carnivorous apex predator species that have never had burned into their very DNA the concept that human beings don’t taste good. Polar bears exist solely because we really didn’t start dealing with them on a regular basis until after we invented environmentalism; if the Arctic Circle had had easily accessible iron deposits we’d have wiped out the species thousands of years ago.

DO NOT GO SWIMMING WITH THEM.

EVER.

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