To continue in my RPG-themed mood from earlier: if you are a gamemaster and you find that you cannot turn this story into fodder for your next urban fantasy / secret magic / time travel / modern horror / conspiracy campaign, just go ahead and turn in your GM screen now and slink off in shame.
PS: What? Oh, it’s clearly the work of secret Japanese zaibatsu who have deciphered the secrets of the ancient Mayans sufficiently well enough to ‘predict’ the next disastrous solar flare in 2012: the languages are all from countries on the Pacific and Indian Ocean Rims, which will be the areas least affected by the flares. In the aftermath, the megacorporations will reveal themselves to the shattered people of the world, and take their rightful place as head of the rebuilding efforts. And if you’re wondering how the zaibatsu know how the flares will happen to go off in time to save these specific areas… well, it turns out that the Mayans had actually worked out a way to set off a solar flare (ancient astronauts, don’t you know*). So the zaibatsu aren’t so much going to ‘predict’ as they are ’cause.’ I’m sorry? Yes, of course there’s a volcano lair. Or maybe the caldera under Yellowstone. More topical. See how easy that is?
*“Aren’t those supposed to be Incans?” “Shut up.”
PPS: Enjoyed that? Never want to see me do it again? I take suggestions either way: