Allow me to horrify all of you regarding Jane Eyre.

While I certainly agree that Jane Eyre is a great novel; but what it really needs is…

Well, it simply needs to be recast in a setting that’s had an unsuccessful alien invasion: one where the invaders attempted to create various kinds of psionic mutations in the captive human population. Jane can be a precognitive; Rochester could be some sort of former Man In Black with a mad pyrokinetic in his attic; and I guess that Rivers would be a telepathic mesmerist and secret agent of the last few aliens hiding out on Earth.

Hey, they put zombies into Pride & Prejudice, and the result’s been on the best seller list for months. And now they’re going to do Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters – no, really:

…so don’t tell me that wouldn’t sell.

Moe Lane

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