Dec
08
2009

This Scrappleface article on giant ants is depressingly untrue.

No, really.

House-straddling tarantulas, mosquitoes the size of German shepherds, ants with the speed and mass of a diesel locomotive — all of these threats and more face humanity unless delegates to the Copenhagen Climate Conference agree on the wording of a treaty that would put an end to greenhouse gases once and for all, according to two well-known climate scientists.

Phil Jones, currently on involuntary sabbatical from the Climate Research Unit at the University of East Anglia, as well as Penn State professor Michael Mann, agreed that global citizens “face near-certain doom — crushed in the massive, venomous mandibles of insects and arachnids the likes of which we haven’t seen outside of science fiction movies.”

Because while some people may look on a train-size ant as some inexorable, rampaging, acid-spitting formican juggernaut OF DOOM… I look on that and see WAR ANT.  Which would still be a inexorable, rampaging, acid-spitting formican juggernaut OF DOOM, only I’d be riding it.  It’s amazing how less bothersome those adjectives become when they’re referring to your riding animal.

Moe Lane

PS: Ach, the dang things would suffocate anyway at that size.  They did science on this topic, once.

2 Comments

  • Scott Ott says:

    MOE WROTE… …the dang things would suffocate anyway at that size. They did science on this topic, once.

    Moe, Have you actually looked at the raw data on giant suffocation?

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