Jan
18
2010

‘Avatar – The Metacontextual Edition’

Somebody watched Avatar so that I wouldn’t have to. I mean, somebody really watched Avatar so that I wouldn’t have to.

WE ARE THEN TREATED TO LENGTHY SCENES OF JUGHEAD AND POCAHONTAS FLYING AROUND TOGETHER ON THE MOST AWESOME FLYING PET THAT YOU COULD NEVER GET ON EARTH BECAUSE EARTH SUCKS AND NEVER LETS HUMANS HAVE AWESOME ANIMALS THAT BASICALLY EXIST TO BE OUR PERSONAL EXTREME SPORTS EQUIPMENT. STUPID EARTH AND IT’S STUPID EVOLUTION.

Does it count as ‘spoilers’ when the description is likely to be better than the actual piece of art? If this was accurate, I would have been screaming “With this level of biotech, why did the military even let him stay crippled in the first place?!?” about five minutes into the film.

Moe Lane

PS: Whether Kipling would be proud is another story. I suspect that the author of The Supplication of Kerr Cross may have had a more nuanced opinion than many would expect.

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