…but if you do happen to have the right combination of knowledge and interest it’s pretty darn funny. A taste:
18 CFR §2301: Regulations Concerning the Consumability of Food Items Determined to Be on the Ground, Relative to Time (the “Five Second Rule” and the “Thirty Second Rule”); Definitions; Penalties for Violations Thereof
(1)(a) Except as otherwise provided in subsection (2) herein, whoever consumes a food item, as defined in 18 CFR §§ 2302-11 inclusive, which has been in physical contact with the ground for greater than or equal to five seconds from the time the food item first came into contact with the ground, until the time the food item it removed from the ground, shall be deemed to have violated the Five Second Rule, and subject to the penalties set forth in subsection (4) herein.
Mind you, if you’re waiting for me to say that there isn’t something sad about the fact that I find it pretty darn funny, well, you may not want to drop anything important in order to keep waiting…