Nice to know I’m not the only one who noticed the religious nature of these people:
Stephen explained in hushed tones that this was a group of social vegans; they practiced a strict regimen of avoiding animal products at all gatherings. He insisted that if I were to try it, after awhile I wouldn’t even like the taste of meat or dairy anymore in the presence of others.
It made sense. At last I understood the self-flagellation part of this faith. We were to inconvenience ourselves with no discernible end, save the faith that the practice alone would make us feel better about our impact on this planet. All our self-loathing could be expunged by a constant regiment of minimal corporal punishment, eating tree bark. Just like in other religions, I gathered, suffering was beautiful to them. I looked around and it was working; they were all so beautiful in their conviction. I threw my arms around Stephen in a supportive hug and the Grape-Nuts fell.
Dag. It’s like I’ve got no mockery left in me right now. Has the last month critically depleted my snark pile to below a self-sustaining level?