Guess what time it is, kids? That’s right! It’s time for the Apocalypse!

Otherwise known as time for the Battleship movie to come out.

You may remember that this caused me SAN loss last year; and looking at the trailer above I’m… kind of befuddled, really.  It’s like the writers and director just stopped, kicked the last bottle of cheap tequila, and went To Hell with it.  If we’ve got a one-way ticket to a series of smoking craters that were once our careers then let’s at least put racing stripes on this puppy.

It’s a good an explanation as any other, really.

Moe Lane

PS: They get points for trying, though:

There’s a PR person in Hasbro/Universal that came up with that line.  That person?  Come the Revolution, he or she is to be spared.  It is in the time of the greatest darkness that the candle’s light is most welcome…


  • BigGator5 says:

    What if the movie is…. good and is profitable?

  • countrydoc says:

    BG5: Then we are all well and truly doomed as a society anyway.

  • Skip says:

    I’m still waiting for the clip where Liam Neeson screams, “you sank my battleship!”. You know it has to be in there…

  • BooBooKitty says:

    I am the king of cheese and will be there with a keg of soda and a trashcan full of popcorn. Bring on the chedda!

  • Rob Crawford says:

    I was really hoping you were serious. I’m sick of waiting for it.
    BigGator5 — doesn’t need to be good, just profitable. Then we’ll see the inevitable sequels. “Battleship II: The Potemkin”, “Battleship III: Travel Edition”, and, “Battleship IV: Connect”.

    • Moe_Lane says:

      Battleship V: Risk.
      World War Battleship: Axis and Allies

      Seriously, if it doesn’t actually suck – and I have a reasonably flexible definition of ‘sucking’ – I’ll be fine with that. But these things often do not end well.

  • DaveP. says:

    As long as it’s north of “Elektra”, it’ll do.

  • Jbird says:

    I plan on renting it for the special effects alone

  • Spegen says:

    What? no 3D? That would have guarenteed schlock.

  • Jeff Weimer says:

    Kinda has a Posleen War vibe to it.

  • Jbird says:

    Seems to have the same sound effects as Transformers too

  • BigGator5 says:

    @Jbird: Yeah, I noticed that too. The metal of the alien ships looks strikingly similar as well.
    Doesn’t mean it will be bad. I just don’t judge movies on off of trailers.

  • Jeff Weimer says:

    I’ll probably watch it because I was once in the Navy and I want to just pick out all the problems.

    Looks bad for that – “Warning Red, Weapons Tight” is proper terminology. It means engagement imminent, fire only when directed.

  • Jeff Weimer says:

    Although all the Tomahawk firings at the aliens? Not an ideal engagement scenario for those, although it’s possible to do. And the salvos take longer between firings than the movie shows. Standard Missiles could do that, and launch faster, but their warhead is probably too small to do much damage – it was designed to kill aircraft, not immense alien ship-somethings. The destroyers would have better luck lobbing HE-PD rounds at 20 per minute from the 5″/62 up front.

    Yeah, I was a Fire Controlman – breaking stuff and killing people with this equipment was what I trained to do.

  • Catseye says:

    The spinning things are spitting out sub-atomic antimatter particles or sub-atomic black hole particles. I ran into them once in the Traveller Game system. It was an Ancients weapon system so it used the sub-atomic black hole particles. Not sure if it was a module or something the GM cooked up. Either way a lot of this movie looks to have come strait from the Traveller Game system.

  • qixlqatl says:

    Traveller…I never played that, only saw it a couple of times. Were the mechanics any good? (The right people can have a great game with the worlds crappiest mechanics, and the wrong people ….? smh)

  • Catseye says:

    Movie wise? No, it’s not bad news. The Traveller Tech Level 8+/- Navy versus the Tech Level 10 or higher space force is a Classic match-up in the Traveller system. If they are true to both game systems this could be an Epic movie. Both sides are capable of inflicting massive damage on each other. I actually have heard people argue about this match up.
    By the way who owns the rights to the Traveller game system now anyway? I know this movie was supposed to be based on the game Battleship but to haul out the old Battleship versus Traveller game argument, it seems like someones going to do another relaunch of the Traveller Game System.

  • Catseye says:

    Qixqatl, the Traveller system is one of the earliest game systems. Most people can pick it up in an hour or two. Mechanics are very basic, either you have the skill or you don’t and have to pay an NPC to do the job.

  • Catseye says:

    Droyne versus Solomani! Fun times.

  • DaveP. says:

    The SJG version is a lot easier to RPG with than the original (dying during character creation, anyone?), but then again the original was designed as a miniatures-based system, kinda like the original Chainmail.

  • Catseye says:

    Still think this movie might not suck if it’s based off a Traveller/Battleship match-up. Which it looks like to me. The credits for this movie should be Real Interesting, maybe more so then the movie. Still don’t plan on going to a theater though, I’ll do the usual and wait till it hits cable.

RSS feed for comments on this post.

Site by Neil Stevens | Theme by TheBuckmaker.com