Nov
17
2013

As God is my witness, I can’t tell whether this is trolling.

If I was going to write a vicious satire of the kind of exquisite duck-speaking that has become increasingly necessary in order to defend President Obama and his policies, I would have come up with… this.  The only change would be in that I wouldn’t call myself a black guy, obviously.

Seriously. I mean ‘duck-speaking’ in all of its Orwellian glory; cognitively speaking, that essay is a wasteland.  It collapses the second you type out “corporate bailouts,” “Proposition 8,” “Zimmerman case,” “5 million thrown off of their plans because of Obamamcare,” “jobless recovery,” “does not pay his own female staffers the same as his male ones,” “Office of the President-Elect,” “BP spill,” “tried to deny veterans their own monuments,” “drone strikes and kill lists,” “resegregating the DC school system,” and “tongue-tied without his Teleprompter.”  It has to be satire… but it got published in the Huffington Post.

And, dear God, the comments!

Via Hot Air Headlines.

Moe Lane

5 Comments

  • acat says:

    The thought that people can stand to think that way .. and that they *vote* .. it makes keeping hope .. challenging.
    .
    Mew

  • BigGator5 says:

    I can’t detect any sarcasm or irony in those words.
    .
    Also, I love that episode of WKRP too. 😉

    • Herp McDerp says:

      My immediate reaction was that this is a parody so trenchant, so sharp, that the targets don’t realize they’ve been cut until their bodies fall apart into separate pieces. How could these claims not be vicious sarcasm:

      His actions have always been motivated by a sincere desire to do what is best for the majority, even if it meant losing ground with the wealthy, influential or powerful minority.
       
      His outspoken support of gay marriage is an excellent example.
       
      In just a few short years, Obama’s professional achievements and continued demonstration of equality and integrity have done wonders for race relations. America has never been more unified as a people than it has been under the direct leadership of Barack Obama.
       
      Obama’s healthcare plan has allowed uninsured Americans to reap the benefits of a universal healthcare system.
       
      He is for the middle class. Here are just a few of the comments made by President Barack Obama in recent months …
       
      He is for doing away with pomp and circumstance.
       
      His policies and initiatives for a clean energy economy have had an incredible impact on the future of the nation.
       
      … he has always been a responsible and thoughtful commander-in-chief.
       
      He is for peace. Let us never forget that Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2009 -one of the greatest accomplishments any man or woman could hope to achieve in a lifetime.
       
      He is for entertaining the masses. If we have to listen to a president yakitty-yak about this or that for another four years, we might as well pick one with charisma and charm. […] In fact, I will go so far as to say that when the man does finally retire from politics, he has a rewarding and lucrative job as a stand up comic awaiting him if he so chooses.

      The hoaxer seems to have gone to an immense amount of effort to create the persona of a man capable of writing the piece as a serious, un-ironic statement. The HuffPo piece mentions that the perpetrator is the author of a book, The Call to Teach: An Introduction to Teaching (an unreleased $128 paperback!), and the book’s Amazon page links to the author’s personal website and blog. They’re all filled with vapid platitudes guaranteed to make any True Believer in the cult of Progressivism nod in smug satisfaction.
       
      Unfortunately, the background predates the HuffPo essay by several years. If it’s a hoax, it’s an amazingly well-planned one. Apparently the author really does believe this stuff. As James Lileks once put it, “he not only drank the Kool-Aid but ordered up another gallon for a high colonic.”
       
      We’re doomed.

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