Because, you know, shame is for people who are capable of feeling it.
Go buy it. Buy ten! Stuff them in your stockings. Hand them out to people on the street. Anonymously mail them to the most humorless liberals in your life. It’s all good.
PS: Seriously, they can’t keep it on the shelves.
PPS: What, you want a song? Fine:
…Actually, the original choice was a bit too obnoxious. Surprisingly so: I can only assume that Christmas stress is getting to me. So something a bit more soothing: