I do not like this Aquaman.

I do not like it, Zack-the-man.

aquaman

I could not, would not, with a hook.
I will not like him as a crook.
I did not like the flying fish.
I would not like him as a dish.
Not made too dark! Nor made too twee!
Not as a joke! You let me be!
I did not like him as a meme.
I did not like that stupid theme.
I will not like him as a punk.
I would not like him big, or shrunk.
I only like him Brave and Bold.
I do not like him shown so cold!

I DO NOT LIKE THIS AQUAMAN.
I do not like it, Zach-the-Man.

7 thoughts on “I do not like this Aquaman.”

  1. Aquaman is a crappy character, no matter what they do he’s going to suck.

    1. I disagree.
      He’s a very interesting character, that doesn’t have much to actually *do*. Compare him to Conan, sitting on the throne, keeping the peace, and bored out of his mind.
      Except that his subjects are such badasses, and the environment so hostile, that nobody would ever dare to try and invade.
      .
      Despite all the “speaks to fish” jokes (and I’ve made more than my share), he’s one of the more powerful DC superheroes. He just has responsibilities beyond trying to keep his sidekick alive. There are good stories to be had there, but they aren’t the type that comics normally tell.

      1. So .. Aquaman needs a lot more backstory-dump so people understand the character .. I can see why that’d be a problem ..
        .
        Mew

        1. 😉 I should have been more clear, yeah, it’s most likely going to suck.
          At best, we’ll get backstory. Because there’s no way that a superhero movie is going to be a mole hunt or the hero deciding to not shirk his responsibilities. Those aren’t visual. And it’s a superhero movie, which requires spectacle.
          Which is a problem with the comics as well. The character doesn’t fit the medium, so many of his storylines are ridiculously contrived–in comparison to other comic books!

          1. I am not a comic book nerd, and was never a particular Aquaman fan, so .. take this as a far-outsider opinion.
            .
            Since his backstory has already been retcon’d more than once .. if it makes more *celluloid storytelling* sense to retcon it again, then .. they should.
            .
            Mew
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            .
            .
            p.s. a mole hunt can be quite a good suspense film .. but not really an *adventure*.

          2. I’m pretty sure they will. The casting certainly indicates it. As do the small screen retcons of Green Arrow and The Flash. As do the direct to video animated movies they’ve been putting out. As does the late and lamented Young Justice tv show (killed by Cartoon Network because it attracted the wrong age demographic).
            DC has been really good about paring down accumulated history in their adaptations.
            .
            Don’t get me wrong, I love mole hunts.
            I’d love to see a superhero movie without constant splashy special effects where the bruiser superhero could easily squash the threat like a bug–if he could find it.
            But I’m pretty sure I’m in the minority. And since it would necessarily be a meditation on the limits of coercive force, it would gore an awful lot of sacred cows. The internet backdraft would be a thing of beauty.
            But I don’t see any company concerned about their bottom line ever doing such a thing.

  2. Instead of the vision of the Super Friend of Aquaman, think of one that summons Cthulu. Yeah, that’ll get your attention.

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