Mar
26
2016

Had to have ‘the talk’ with my eldest just now.

I wasn’t expecting this quite so soon, but he just up and asked out of the blue: “Dad, who would win a fight: Batman, or Superman?”  So of course I had to explain to him Batman, son.  Because you know that Batman always has a plan, so he’s already ready to fight Superman.  And Superman’s too good a person to have a plan to fight his friend Batman. …He seems to have gotten it, so: whew.  Bullet, as they say, dodged.

21 Comments

  • Robert Mitchell Jr. says:

    Please. Batman didn’t make it to the fight, he got taken out by some of Joker’s nameless thugs, and Superman had to save him from the deathtrap, AGAIN……..

  • BigGator5 says:

    Good for you, Moe. Those Batman vs Superman talks can be tricky. Did you have a Batman and Superman dolls ready to show how much of a chump Superman is for not making plans against Batman?

  • Compound says:

    This is when it’s good to have Grant Morrison’s run on JLA available to show the Bat God in full effect. “See? He took out 3 white martians, who operate at Clark’s power level without breaking a sweat.”
    .
    Then pull out “Red Son” or the last episode of JLU to show Clark cutting loose, just to remind him that it’s not a sure thing for Bruce.
    .
    And then you might as well just rewatch the rest of those Justice League episodes. You’ve either got the DVD box already out or you’re already on the Netflix page anyway.

  • Belcatar says:

    There’s a manual for that talk, written and drawn by Frank Miller. The added bonus is the rest of the story. The Dark Knight Returns is the definitive Batman Vs. Superman. At least for my money, it is.

    Just hand him the book, and say, here you go, son. Read this, and if you have any questions, just ask. I’ll answer them honestly and directly.

  • Belcatar says:

    And there’s a great animated version of it too.

  • Mikey NTH says:

    Yeah. Plans. Like an M1911 with Kryptonite bullets.
    .
    .
    Okay, don’t look at me like that! You all were thinking about that when you were six!

  • Mikey NTH says:

    Or Superman takes Batman and rushes him up to 50,000 feet.
    .
    .
    Yeah, they complement each other more in fun ways than having them fight makes for fun – and extreme property damage claims.
    .
    *ponders*
    .
    I don’t like that; I like fun because I am middle aged so every bit of fun I have is a failing rampart against time.
    .
    Let’s have fun!
    .
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbcCG7PkI18

  • Rusty S. says:

    My experience is that the winner of most fights is whichever one is the maddest.

    • Mikey NTH says:

      By “mad” do you mean:
      .
      (1) Loopy to the tonsils; or
      (2) Chewing steel and spiting nails.
      .
      .
      Because that is a very American distinction.

      • Rusty S. says:

        Good point. I meant (2) but I can totally see (1) being a useful condition for the situation as well.

  • Finrod says:

    There was an animated Justice League episode where they were fighting a robot that could absorb superpowers and use them against them. The last two to fight the robot were Superman and Batman, in that order. After the robot takes care of Superman, it pulls up in front of Batman, scans him, and says something like “You’ve got no powers”, and Batman in response pulls out a piece of kryptonite.
    Afterwards Green Lantern says “Do you always carry a piece of kryptonite?” and Batman replies “Wouldn’t you?”

  • prayerborne says:

    My version of that talk will be “We’re a Marvel family, son” followed by a disappointed shake of my head and a few minutes of shunning.

  • cpurick says:

    Good job, Dad. You don’t want them learning that stuff on the street.

  • BigFire says:

    Nah, Saitama from One Punch Man. That’s actually the whole point of his existence, he’s utterly bored by the fact that he took out most of the bad guys without much effort.

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