Item seed: ‘Vampire Killing Kit (circa 1850).’

Blame this.

‘Vampire Killing Kit (circa 1850).’

Oh, how the proto-Conspiracy loved John Polidori. Albeit retroactively: it wasn’t until the vampire craze took off decades later that they realized just how useful a line of nonsense this entire nosferatu thing was. You could hide anything in that myth; it was even better than Paul Bunyan, and Paul Bunyan is unofficially credited with covering up at least three armed takeovers of the American government between the years 1903 and 1954.

Take the aforementioned Vampire Killing Kit. The one that they have in the Ripley’s Believe It or Not! Museum? It’s actually a field biological weapons kit. The Conspiracy knew about the germ theory of disease centuries before Pasteur did, of course; and practiced vaccination long before Jenner. So why go through the trouble of coming up with new and deadly secret poisons when a regular old dose of cholera can do the job for you? The trick was in the delivery mechanism, which is one reason why air pistols lasted rather longer as a firearm than one might expect: with the right mix of biological agents, a Conspiracy agent could create whatever kind of biological reaction he’d like, within the general limitations of biochemical reactions. The bullet was typically a very carefully-designed variety of salt, capable of delivering a particular disease germ before breaking down in water or sweat. The Conspiracy still hasn’t released that one yet to the general public, largely because it’s still too useful.

The only problem was that it was kind of hard to explain away various bottles of odd liquids and powders, even when you label them as ‘gun oils’ or whatnot. But once the age of the vampire started, all the Conspiracy had to do was add a cross to the mix and hey presto! It’s a ‘vampire kit.’ And if somebody found you with one, all you had to do was roll your eyes and claim that you bought it on a lark. True fact: people expect toys to look faintly ridiculous. Including toys for adults. Especially toys for adults, in fact.

Also note: the various knives and sharpened stakes came with the kits originally. Because sometimes the air gun ‘bullet’ didn’t work, and it turns out that humans die just as reliably as vampires do when you drive stakes through their hearts. Go figure.