Blame this. And… entropy, I guess. We grow old. …Well, at least it beats the alternative.
The Commodore P-31
This ‘Commodore P-31’ is certainly an interesting piece of inexplicable computer tech. It’s unquestionably designed in the same style as Commodore’s 1980s computers, starting with the way the keys are set up and continuing with how the entire unit is contained in one keyboard. This one has a serial number and production stamp on it dated 2016, but needless to say said serial number is gibberish. It does have standard USB and HDMI ports; there’s what appears to be some sort of disk drive, but it looks more like the slot for a camera memory card than for anything else. In terms of raw processing speed and performance, it runs slightly more slowly, and a good deal more warmly, than a comparable gaming computer rig.
Plug it into a monitor/sound system, though, and… wow. The graphics and sounds on the P-31 are better than anything currently on the market. The computer comes pre-loaded with a variety of games, programs, and what should be a way to connect to the Internet, only it doesn’t work at all. For that matter, the GUI is downright bizarre; it absolutely feels like it was designed primarily with bulletin board forums in mind, and the mouse is almost an afterthought. Needless to say, the programming language is likewise more or less unlike the ones that we’re using now: it was clearly derived from BASIC, only mutated and force-evolved over thirty years.
Now, the Illuminati does not hire idiots, so it need not be said to anyone attending this briefing that the P-31 is obviously an interdimensional relic. At a reasonable guess, it’s from a universe where Microsoft didn’t take over the computing world, which led to Commodore developing its Commodore 64 line instead of creating the Amiga (and, of course, eventually going out of business). But that’s not important. What is important is that there is a stable hole in space-time that we did not make, and things are coming out of it.
So please find the hole. Let us know why it’s there, and why we’re getting alternate computer technology out of it. And, for the love of whatever you personally consider holy: don’t let anybody from our side go through the hole without proper vetting first. This particular branch of computer history breeds… enthusiasts.