Mar
05
2017

Creature seed: Free-Range Emotion Squid.

I swear, I just said the first thing that popped into my head and saw where it went.

Free-Range Emotion Squid – Google Docs

Free-Range Emotion Squid

 

Well, technically that should be the Free-Range Emotion Octopus, but the current long-term Uplift projections suggest that the first truly sentient neo-Octopi will start being produced in no more than ten years.  So, basically, best to avoid a potential marketing issue before it even starts, right?  Best practices, and all that.

Emotion Squids are biotech / alien / alternate dimension / techno-magical (strike out all adjectives that do not apply) creatures that, indeed, resemble Terrestrial octopi, only much dumber. Like many other cephalopods, the Emotion Squid will eject ink as a defense mechanism when frightened; however, they also eject ink when happy, sad, angry, lecherous, content, cheerful, and a few other emotional states.  Much more interestingly, the ink that they produce acts as a potent drug that will produce that exact same emotional state in humans.  One dose can generate fifty human-sized ones.

 

Naturally, every reputable vendor of Emotion Squid ink swears up and down that they use only free-range squid that are not being essentially tortured to provide the appropriate inks.  Which is interesting, because no vendor of Emotion Squid ink apparently will voluntarily herd the squids, or school them, or whatever the term is.  It’s all being taken as a matter of faith that somewhere, somebody is ethically getting fear ink out of an Emotion Squid.
Or that they’re ethically getting lechery ink, for that matter.  This particular order of animals is, ah, not known for its romantic urges.  Emotion Squid certainly don’t shed lechery ink in the wild…

5 Comments

  • acemarke says:

    Moe, you have issues.

    Now, that’s something we’ve all known for a long time, and it’s something we _like_ about you, and to be honest we probably fall into that same category.

    But… you have _issues_ 🙂

  • UnmovingGreatLibrary says:

    Careful examination of all Emotion Squid lechery ink labeling will no doubt reveal the words “Made in Japan”.

  • Jay says:

    Wouldn’t actual free range ink need to be tested? Might be difficult to determine the ink type from external factors. I’m not signing up for that job.

    • acat says:

      Sub-plot.
      .
      Recently, one of the more or less reputable free-range ink processing labs was raided by the ELF (Earth Liberation Front; not Elf, Buddy the) and all the lab rats used to determine which ink is which were freed ..
      .
      This is how the lab location came to our attention – apparently, the rats remained under the influence of various ink-types for several hours after being freed, and .. the ones mating in the Harrods’ ladies undergarment section went viral, however the rage-rats running amok in Harrods’ food courts were simply terrifying.
      .
      That, however, is not your team’s priority. Lab records, as reconstructed by forensic accounting (two of whom are being treated for the .. let’s say unfortunate effects of inadvertent squid ink exposure) indicate several barrels of raw, unprocessed ink were stolen…
      .
      Your mission is to find out what the ELF is up to, and .. either ensure they don’t cock it up, or ensure they *do* .. depending.
      .
      Mew

  • nicklevi86 says:

    Shortly before stocks of “fear” ink hit the black web, wanteds seem to circulate on the grey web for “either ‘courageous’ or ‘stupid’ ink, preferably both.”

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