Blame this.
Cow Ninja
Stats: use the Oxen stats from pg 460 of GURPS Basic Set: Campaigns, but increase DX and IQ to 10, and add Intolerance [Humans], Acting-12, Brawling-14, and Stealth-12.
Actually, by laughing at this you are demonstrating that you fundamentally misunderstand the nature of the ninja. The black pajamas thing is historically inaccurate; ninja were portrayed that way because the bunraku (puppet theater) tradition associated dark clothing with invisibility in Japanese culture. In reality, ninja dressed in a way that was inconspicuous. Or, in the case of cow ninja, in a way that deflected suspicion.
Think about it for a moment: how could anybody possibly be assassinated by a cow? Arranging a cattle stampede, certainly. Feeding a bull a drug that would inflame it and make it attack a matador at full intensity, probably. Even spiking a cow’s milk with a substance that would be allergic to the target is possible, although difficult. But actually directing a cow to go and plan, then commit, premeditated murder? The concept is absurd.
Which is why cow ninja are so effective, of course. Regular cows would hate us if they were intelligent enough to do so, naturally. After all, we eat them and wear their skins. So when you get a cow smart enough to make that conceptual leap — which is thankfully a very rare occurrence — they’re more than happy to use that intelligence to take out a human. Any human. They’re indifferent to the reasons why, as long as they get to do their bloody work.
You do need a cow for this sort of thing, though. Bulls are too headstrong, too impetuous. Cows know how to patiently and placidly chew on their hate, and wait for their chance. It’s what makes cow ninja so valuable to those who prefer results to aesthetics, or even basic appearances; and many a target has fallen under the cloven hooves of the very animal that they were so foolish as to sneer at.
The material presented here is my original creation, intended for use with the GURPS system from Steve Jackson Games. This material is not official and is not endorsed by Steve Jackson Games.