Item Seed: Emergency Bags.

Emergency Bags – Google Docs


Emergency Bags


They’re bags that hold emergencies, actually. As in, you can store one in there. Originally that was written out as ‘trap one in there,’ but sometimes people do want to have pre-generated emergencies on hand.

But they’re often used to trap emergencies: you pick one up, open the flap in a certain way, wait for the bag to finish inflating, and then seal it right up.  If that happens, congratulations! Your emergency has been contained. More accurately, all the factors that make an emergency feel like an emergency — negative attitudes, problematic emotions, a general sense of panic, bad luck, infectious moods, willful stupidity — get sucked into the bag, which typically means that the situation is now a somewhat exasperating problem that can nonetheless be fixed by a little clear thinking, coupled with a little forethought and a good bit of elbow grease.  Just don’t open the bag again, because if you do then whatever problem going on in the area will suddenly become an emergency.


So, as you can see: it’s both a trap for emergencies, and a storage space for them.  Because it doesn’t exactly take a degree in Deep Thinking to come up with a way to use an Emergency Bag in offensive ways (in all senses of the term). Fortunately or unfortunately, some of the emergency gets lost in the transfer process; also, you can’t combine Emergency Bags. Maybe it follows the second law of thermodynamics, in its own inimitable way?

One last note: Emergency Bags are not magical. Nor are they theurgical, psionic, super-sciency, super-heroic, metaphysical, spiritual, sorcerous, alchemical, allegorical, Platonic, supernatural, diabolic, paradynamic, gnostic, Illuminated, Enlightened, or chthonic.  Heck, an Emergency Bag was shown to a cultist of the Great Old Ones (albeit one on enough tranquilizers to zombify Kalamazoo) and he couldn’t make heads or tales of the power source on these babies, either. They just do stuff. Somehow.

1 Comment

  • acat says:

    So … is it common practice to send emergency bags containing emergencies to competitors and/or rivals?
    Because that’d explain New Coke ..

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