The ‘Robin Hood’ teaser trailer.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you: the dumbest movie of 2018.

Via @jeannette_ng.  Note that I do not mean ‘dumbest’ as an insult.  This is a movie made by people who have heard of historical accuracy, but who have instead decided to pursue an aesthetic typically found in roleplaying campaigns:

  • Flasks of oil? CHECK!
  • Streets free of waste, straw, and beggars*? CHECK! 
  • Ridiculously modern grooming standards? CHECK!
  • Shotgun crossbows? CHE… WAIT, WHAT? 
  • No, seriously, dude, they got these shotgun crossbows that shoot six fire bolts at once!  HOW… HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?
  • I dunno.  How is it possible that this guy can penetrate armor with a short bow with a twenty pound draw weight? ERM. BODKIN POINTS?
  • Tell you what, Sparky: you go get a bodkin and then fire it off from this sucker and see how much distance you get from it. OK, FINE, CHECK!

And so forth.  I approve, honestly. Forget realism. Realism has them all with bad teeth and dung-smeared straw everywhere. Low-grade anachro-tech fantasy with half-decent medical care sounds fine. As long as it stays gonzo.

Moe Lane

*Yes, even in the palaces.  Beggars were everywhere.

8 thoughts on “The ‘Robin Hood’ teaser trailer.”

  1. I’ll watch it for free from the library but won’t pay for anything involving infamous racist Jamie Foxx.

  2. Take 5 cups of Assassin’s Creed, 4 tablespoons of V for Vendetta, 3 scoops of ash of historical accuracy, blend with loud soundtrack.

      1. The guy who GMed Hawk the Slayer left all his rulebooks at home, drank a whole bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, and then shut his head in a car door at least three times.

      2. The guy who GMed Hawk the Slayer left all his rulebooks at home, drank a whole bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream, and then shut his head in a car door at least three times.

        But when I was ten, that movie was a masterpiece.

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