Item Seed: Gloop.

Gloop – Google Docs


Gloop comes in 20 ounce plastic bottles, typically in sets of six.  The labels on the bottles are singularly unhelpful: the only information on them is the name (“Gloop”) in a large boring font, and the phrase “Refrigerate after opening” in English, Spanish, and Mandarin in a somewhat smaller, yet still boring, font.  When opened, Gloop appears to be a somewhat thick carbonated beverage, with a slightly musky smell and a smoky taste. It tastes good, but it absolutely does not taste sweet. Once opened, Gloop goes bad after about a week if refrigerated, two days if not.

Routine analysis of the contents by the DEA — the people who discovered an abandoned warehouse full of cases of Gloop assumed that it was some kind of designer drug — caused a full-scale emergency scramble among it and the FBI, once the results came back.  Gloop is not quite people.  Whatever was used to make it had twenty-four chromosomes, and an immunological distance from human of about 1.015; in other words, it’s definitely not made from human tissue, but whatever donated the stuff is closer to humanity than even gorillas or chimpanzees are.  The words ‘missing link,’ ‘Sasquatch,’ and ‘demihuman races’ were bandied about various labs before the Men in Black stepped in with the usual NDAs and black-bag discretionary budgets (it’s amazing how many past sins, both real and perceived, adequate funding can absolve).  Eventually these newly-recruited lab-coat brigades will figure out who Gloop’s made up of, but that’s not the field team’s problem.

What’s the field team’s problem?  Finding out who is making Gloop itself, of course.  There are seventeen different reasons why the creation food and drink derived from sapient creatures is contraindicated, and each one of those reasons is grounds for an immediate interdict and purification, with extreme prejudice and a certain amount of manic-terrified energy.  Yes, it is possible to squick out the Illuminati. It’s very easy to squick out the Illuminati, in fact.  They know enough about how the world works to allow their extremely well-developed imaginations to go to horrifying work.

So get that Gloop off of the streets.

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