Black marble sarcophagus to be opened. …Of course.

I have a radical idea about this.

… a team of archaeologists and scientists from Egypt’s money hungry Ministry of Antiquities will crack the menacing-looking thing open despite the entirety of the internet knowing that it’s a terrible idea. “We are hoping this tomb may belong to one of the high dignitaries of the period,” Ayman Ashmawy, the head of Egypt’s Ministry of Antiquities said in a statement, his pupils turning into dollar signs as he eyes the sarcophagus and licks his lips. “The alabaster head is likely that of a nobleman in Alexandria. When we open the sarcophagus, we hope to find objects inside that are intact, which will help us to identify this person and their position.”

How about we not open the black marble sarcophagus? And not because there’s going to be an Undead Lich-King inside that will then set out to depopulate Alexandria, although there’s probably a 35% chance that that will happen. No, I was thinking that we not do this because there’s… maybe not much information we’re going to learn from it?  I know that this sounds a little weird, but I haven’t heard anybody say Dear God!  Now we can maybe clear up that lingering mystery from the Third Century BC that has bedeviled us so!  I mean, I get it if there was something worth risking a Lich-King incursion over, but as it is I’m just not feeling it.

Moe Lane

PS: Well, yes, I don’t want people cracking open my black marble sarcophagus in two thousand years or so and looking at all the junk that I had put in there.  I don’t think that this makes me biased, though. I feel that it instead makes me more sympathetic to the Lich-King’s plight.  After all, what if he doesn’t want to go ravening all up and down the Nile river valley? What then?

10 thoughts on “Black marble sarcophagus to be opened. …Of course.”

  1. “I’m only doing this for your own good: perhaps you will learn to leave others’ things alone in the next life!” it explained, as the clouds of flesh-eating locusts devoured the screaming passers-by. “I was having a lovely nap,” the undead abomination muttered bitterly. “It’ll take forever to get back to sleep, I just know it.”

  2. We all know it’s a Goa’uld, not a Lich King. The question is, where is the Stargate?

  3. Look on the bright side. Maybe Rita Repulsa’s in there and not a Necron Lord.

  4. Also, now that I think about it, I’m reminded of my grandfather’s sage advice. “Do Not Taunt Happy Fun Ball.”

  5. It could be the secret resting place of the Necronomicon. Lucky for us, Bruce Campbell is just a phone call away.

  6. I sure hope it’s not the Strigoi Ancient mentioned in the book from “The Strain”. Considering the infection rate Egypt would be full strigoi in a month, and spreading. Vampires with a ranged attack really suck, “not a pun.

      1. And that’s why you will always be more successful than me. You see the glass half full.

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