Aug
10
2018

Cult of the Corn Dog [In Nomine].

Cult of the Corn Dog – Google Docs

Cult of the Corn Dog [In Nomine]

 

This Infernal-dominated organization is the epitome of how Dark Humor thinks: to wit, the Cult of the Corn Dog is an actual evil cult that is masquerading as a online group of sarcastic mockers who are just pretending to be an evil cult.  It’s a clever conceit, really.  It’s calculated to get the talking monkeys both coming, and going.

At the outermost level of the Cult, you have the website (a little archaic, these days, but even Hell doesn’t trust social media).  The website is all about the Colonic-Chthonic Wrath of the Corn Dog and the Dreaded Stick of Retribution and a highly-bizarre backstory about how the leader of the Cult (pseudonym, ‘Fred L. Schurr;’ real name Hivvah, Balseraph Knight of Derision) received the First Maizen Revelation during a particularly oppressive Midwest county fair in 2006. The tone is very much in the pretentious style beloved of under-educated goths and metalheads; but what separates out the site from its putative peers is that the whole thing is actually very well-written, and that the layout is not jarring on the eyes at all.

 

Needless to say, people who see the site more or less automatically understand that the Cult of the Corn Dog is not even remotely real (every so often, someone doesn’t; more on them later).  A small amount of searching the site is all that’s necessary to find the forums, which prove to be active, well-moderated, and full of nastily-funny posters who are great fun to read, just as long as they’re not aiming their shots at anything you personally care about.  The moderators even take some care to keep posters from personally attacking each other; Hivvah wants the humans to be comfortable there.  Not to mention, throwing their verbal bombs outward.

 

For most people, it stops there: Hivvah’s word is Dark Humor, and both he and the demons working for him find that the Cult of the Corn Dog forums are pretty much perfect for  encouraging people to publicly laugh at other people’s misfortunes. What makes it even better is that the people doing the laughing are well aware that they’re not really cultists fulminating and flinging out curses against sauerkraut, or whatever.  There’s no real religious sentiment going on, in other words. Just the willing expression of Dark Humor, which is pleasing to Kobal.

 

But!  Remember those people who actually think that the Cult of the Corn Dog is real?  Hivvah has a special protocol for those.  When he thinks he’s got a live one, the Balseraph assesses the lucky candidate for the number of people who’d notice his or her sudden disappearance.  If enough people would notice, the target is brought into a small group of like-minded individuals and taught the ‘true’ history of the Cult of the Corn Dog.  if nobody would notice, the target is isntead eventually kidnapped, brought to a remote place, and sacrificed by the humans most corrupted by the discussion forums.  

 

Note that the people doing the ritual killing still don’t believe in the Corn Dog; they’re just depraved and jaded enough by now to be willing to do the sacrifices ironically (getting them to do this got Hivvah his Knighthood from Kobal).  Also note that, once one of the forum members doing in the sacrifices consistently stops being as funny as everybody else, he or she is likewise kidnapped and handed over to the compartmentalized True Believers for their sacrifices.  That wrinkle didn’t get Hivvah another promotion, but it did get a chuckle out of his Prince, which is arguably even better.  What’s even funnier? Hivvah has a Role/6 (Sacrificial cult leader, Status/1), which means that none of this actually disturbs the Symphony.

 

Naturally, once they find out about the Cult of the Corn Dog the Host will Smite this entire organization, all the way down to the bedrock.  Hivvah’s strategy for that day is to set off the boobytraps in his house the moment the first angelic foot sets foot in it; he’s got a Body Bag with a spare Vessel stashed away at a Tether to Dark Humor, for just this contingency.  And there’s even a very good chance that nobody’s messed with it yet. And why should they? …Well, aside from the usual reason (Hivvah is a demon from Hell who works with other demons from Hell).  But besides that.

The material presented here is my original creation, intended for use with the In Nomine and GURPS systems from Steve Jackson Games. This material is not official and is not endorsed by Steve Jackson Games.

In Nomine and GURPS are registered trademarks of Steve Jackson Games, and the art here is copyrighted by Steve Jackson Games. All rights are reserved by SJ Games. This material is used here in accordance with the SJ Games online policy.

3 Comments

  • jeboyle says:

    Cult of the Corn Dog???

    OK, now THAT is disturbing. I wasn’t even sure where to put the caps in that line. And I just know this is seeping into my Call of Cthulhu campaign and not in a good way either.

    • UnmovingGreatLibrary says:

      I was thinking that direction, too, but checking Mrs. Schur’s obituary, which mentioned inventing Clamato as well as corn dogs, the closest to Innsmouth it seemed to place her was Brooklyn.

  • Rockphed says:

    Boobytraps in his house? Please tell me they are only mostly lethal and he has every intention of using the video to start a new venture in laughing-at-the-pain-of-others.

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