Item Seed: YourConspiracy.exe


Oddly, YourConspiracy.exe is easy to find on the Internet.  Most public domain software download sites will have a copy; it’ll run on most PCs.  The program seems like it was designed with Windows 7 in mind.

Using YourConspiracy.exe is merely a matter of starting it up, then navigating through the five hundred, twenty three question survey that it gives you.  These questions start out intrusive (full name, aliases, credit history, blood type, bank routing number) and only get worse; later questions range from ‘What is your favorite color combination?’ to ‘How many people do you think you could order be killed before their faces started haunting you at night?,’ and seem to draw on a database based on your previous answers.  Most people don’t make it past the bank account questions; virtually nobody answers every question sincerely and truthfully.

But if somebody does answer the entire survey, the last question is ‘What Great Thing do you want to accomplish?’  Answer that, and YourConspiracy.exe will then create an action plan to do it. And it will be an extremely linear, if not always immediately explicable action plan, too.  YourConspiracy.exe does not judge. The goals ‘own my own hockey team’ and ‘take over North America’ will be deemed to be equally worthy. And it will be a workable plan, too.  Lots of effort will be necessary, but the plan will work.  After all, the survey asked how much free time, money, and scruples you had.

Yes, but does YourConspiracy.exe work?  Yes, if you’ve filled out the survey properly.  Almost nobody can, though; some of the questions are brutal, and require an amount of self-reflection that most people simply can’t face.  Even megalomaniacs. Especially megalomaniacs, in fact.  And if a single question was answered poorly… well.  Don’t do that. More accurately, don’t do that and then try to use the action plan anyway.


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