This BBC story about the poacher ‘killed’ by elephants and ‘eaten’ by lions is dead wrong.

Worse than wrong, even. It’s outright libel. Things didn’t happen that way.

A suspected rhino poacher has been trampled on by an elephant then eaten by a pride of lions in Kruger National Park, South Africa.

Accomplice poachers told the victim’s family that he had been killed by an elephant on Tuesday. Relatives notified the park ranger.

A search party struggled to find the body but eventually found a human skull and a pair of trousers on Thursday.

I can vouch for both the elephant and the lion pride in question. I had them over on Tuesday, playing cards; and the pride had brought along a bottle of rum, which we were all happy to help polish off, so I didn’t want any of them driving. The elephant slept in the basement and we put the pride up in the living and dining rooms. It wasn’t a private party; I bet I can get ten, twenty of the people who were also there to vouch for the alleged assailants. You gonna call all of us liars?

No? Good. Back to the story, though: damn, but they grow mosquitoes big in South Africa. Somebody should do something about that.

Moe Lane

9 thoughts on “This BBC story about the poacher ‘killed’ by elephants and ‘eaten’ by lions is dead wrong.”

  1. This is one of those cases where, instead of hunting down and killing the animals in question we figure out how to clone them, right?

  2. Are we just gonna take the word of self-confessed poachers as gospel? Who’s to say they didn’t off the guy over a dispute, and try to pin it on the wild-life?

  3. Me, I’m just amused at the “Shop Related Products” section, which for me is showing an egg poacher, a movie named Lion, and a kids onesie pajamas lion outfit.

    1. Same here.
      .
      They could have at least gone with ‘The Ghost and the Darkness’.

  4. A poor man in the third world died tragically while trying to utilize the resources available to him for the purpose of feeding his family.
    At least he had the decency to do so in his own country.
    .
    With less sarcasm, I’m firmly on team human.
    I don’t care if the guy had no redeeming qualities whatsoever and was deliberately tempting fate. The animal that killed him (and those that ate of his flesh and learned that humans are tasty) must die.
    It took tens of thousands of years for us to stop being prey. I’m not about to give up that progress.

    1. I get that, but the problem is that I can’t drop a dime on the lions without also grassing on the elephant, and elephants are mmmmmayyyybe IQ 7 creatures instead of IQ 6 and that really does make a difference in my head.

    2. Without walls and projectile weapons , I’m certain we’ve never stopped being prey when we wander in the wild.
      .
      People play dangerous games and win dangerous prizes. That’s hardly on the animal in said animal’s turf.

    3. This all seems a bit too tidy for me.

      .

      * based on the word of “accomplice poachers”

      * massive loss of forensic evidence

      * head miraculously still available for identification (proof of death)

      * convenient scapegoat

      .

      Believe what you want, but this sounds a lot more like some lowlifes getting rid of a no longer useful accomplice and blaming it on a convenient scapegoat.

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