Item Seed: Mheet (TM).

Mheet™

Description: it’s synthetic, yet edible meat!  It’s shelf-stable and doesn’t go stale! It doesn’t taste like chicken, it tastes like beef!  There’s no slime! There’s no glow! There’s no smell! And it never, ever moves on its own! Try Mheet™ today!

Believe it or not, all of the above is true.  And didn’t it take the longest time to make all of the above true, too.  Basically, Mheet™ originally is what’s left over whenever someone desummons Ye Liveliest Awfulness or the Bite Lords of the Murder-Pit or what have you; even when successful, desummoning tends to leave huge chunks of sort-of organic matter all over the place.  And it all has to be cleaned up. Only: somehow, somebody managed to notice the admittedly interesting culinary possibilities, so now here we all are.  

The horrifying bit?  While the idea of turning the discarded husk of Cthulhu into a synthetic food source is horrifying, it turns out that the best way to get rid of the stuff is to move it through the human digestive system.  And read ‘best way’ as ‘only really safe way.’ As long as Mheet™ is properly cleaned, it’s… safe. As safe as any food is, honestly. And it doesn’t even taste bad. In fact, it really does taste like beef.  You can get decent hamburgers out of it.

You can also get about ten functional flesh golems out of a ton of Mheet™ (supply your own skeletons!) for truly trivial magical costs, which is probably why a shipment of Mheet™ was hijacked last night.  So, track it down. And track down the idiots who stole it. Also, disarticulate whatever flesh golems you encounter, because the aforementioned idiots probably have already made a couple. Necromancers tend to be bad at being patient.