It had better not suck. Let me be clear: it had BETTER not suck. I have no chill about this, and I don’t care if anybody likes that or not. Heck, I’m still seething about what they did to Anne of Green Gables.
Category: Movies
Movie of the Week: “Die Hard.”
…Look, DIE HARD incorporates a bunch of Christmas stuff in the movie, OK? It just does. ‘NOW I HAVE A MACHINE GUN HO HO HO’ exists. They’re playing Christmas music all the time. McClain learns the true meaning of Christmas: saving your wife from a murderous European criminal gang. It counts.
Deal with it.
Continue reading Movie of the Week: “Die Hard.”Happy Festivus!
…I’d air some grievances, but I don’t think that I have any really worth mentioning. I’ve been trying to actually forgive people for stuff lately and mean it. That’s the hard part. It’s apparently fun to hold onto that stuff, for given values of ‘fun.’
Although I’m still kind of ticked that there isn’t a Guillermo del Toro AT THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS. I mean, come on, Hollywood. That’s a high concept scientific-horror flick concept! It’ll generate its own hype, too! Stop leaving money on the table.
The “…*Maybe.*” RESPECT Teaser Trailer.
I never thought about it before about two minutes ago, but I know with an absolute certainty that the actress absolutely must get Aretha Franklin’s voice right if you want to do a movie about Aretha. Does Jennifer Hudson do so, in this RESPECT teaser trailer? …Yes, but tightly under controlled conditions.
It’s the holidays…
…Christmas vacation has started, my wife and I are watching Never Surrender AND SO SHOULD YOU. This is a fascinating documentary. I have no regrets in calling the rest of the night to watch this, instead.
THE WITCHER dropped today.
Can’t watch it yet, of course. My kids are around and will inevitably find it fascinating, and if THE WITCHER is anything like the videogames or books, they’ll pick the most embarrassing moments to notice. I’ll wait until they’re asleep, instead.
The ‘Wait, WHAT’S going on here?’ TENET trailer.
(Via @SonnyBunch) TENET is gonna… be something. Watch the whole thing.
Good. Now watch it again, because there’s some stuff in there that you missed the first time and will make you blink when you see it again.
‘When the River Meets the Sea.’
Quote of the Day, …That Poor CATS Reviewer edition.
You can tell that he’s seen what cannot be unseen. I have not vetted this particular critic, as is my usual wont, on the grounds that this review is just too damn funny not to share. I had to make a gut call, and I did. That’s why I’m here.
The film that everyone is in is largely the musical of cats singing about what kind of cat they are and this repeats until you pray for the sweet release of death. Tom Hooper’s direction to his actors for this semblance of a plot was to act it super horny. That doesn’t give Cats a raw sexual energy as much as it makes everything incredibly uncomfortable like when Rum Tum Tugger (Jason Derulo) is dumping milk into cats’ faces or Macavity just seems more nude than other cats even though technically all the cats are nude. But if it wasn’t enough to make the cats horny (why are they so horny), Hooper also feels the need to make it gross by having them dig through trash and play up their animal instincts. Cats always feels like it’s two seconds away from turning into a furry orgy in a dumpster. That’s the energy you have to sit with for almost two hours.
Neflix decides that if they could sell SHE-RA, they can sell HE-MAN.
Also animated. Apparently this HE-MAN will be computer-animated. No idea what idiom it’s going to be in, though.