This is apparently several years old, but it doesn’t matter. It’s very good and I wouldn’t understand it all if I hadn’t been playing Fallout New Vegas for the last month. Still, the production values on this are seriously impressive.
Every so often, a videogame designer will stop, blink a few times, and realize Hey. I’m, like, an adult now – and I still want to make a game where you have to run around the room only never touching the ground because the floor is actually lava. …This is a good thing. Because yeah, I’d probably play this:
I’d pretend to be playing it ironically, but I wouldn’t be playing it ironically. I’d probably have to play it at night, though. God help me if my kids ever see this game…
This particular creature is waiting for us on the first planet we find whose life has a common ancestor with ours (so if panspermia isn’t real, don’t worry about it). It’s an… interesting parasite: as you might guess, it infests a human’s hair follicles, effectively replacing a host’s hair. The effect looks rather like normal human hair, except for the random wild color shifts and the way that Pseudo-Hair moves independently. You can cut Pseudo-Hair without pain… to yourself; the organism itself doesn’t like it very much, although it won’t take lasting harm unless you do the equivalent of a depilatory.
What most people don’t realize is that the phrase “It went over like a lead balloon” is actually a translation from Low Faerie. It’s not quite a perfect translation, though. The original is something more like “NO NO NOT THE LEAD BALLOON ARGGH HE POPPED IT MY EYES MY EYES BURN WITH NOTHINGNESS I CANNOT FEEL MY FACE” and then goes into mumbled bloody spittle as the poison really kicks in.
The Nano-INjected Jump Apparatus (NINJA) Suit.
Before you ask, NINJA suits are not given out as rewards: they’re given out as sentences. Once you have one put on you, the metaphorical stopwatch is typically ticking on your remaining lifespan. Or sometimes not so metaphorical: there’s usually an integral explosive somewhere on the suit. Just to be on the safe side.
What the NINJA suit does is allow the user to operate at 15/10ths of human capacity, right up to the point where their bones break, their muscles shred off of the bone, and very possibly their heart explodes. It does this through the aforementioned nanomachines, which take an extremely brute-force approach to realizing human potential: to wit, shutting down the pain centers of the brain and pumping in aggression poisons and mood controllers by the quart. The suit itself holds in the increasingly battered body until the body cannot function; once the sensors no longer detect a heartbeat or brain activity, the suit activates the equivalent of a full-body thermite burn. This would make removing a NINJA suit difficult, except that it’s already largely considered to be virtually impossible. Nobody’s worn one for more than an hour and survived, and the one person who did had gotten a broken suit in the first place. (more…)
Forty people, thirty-seven towns, every county in New Jersey. Thank God but I didn’t know any of them; I can imagine that seeing a name you know on one of these lists would be alarming. As is usual in these cases, the defendants allegedly didn’t understand that anonymity on the Internet is a myth: (more…)
How badly? Badly enough to pull what my wife called a ‘Lightning McQueen.’ To whit: Shaunae Miller dived across the finish line in the woman’s 400m to get the gold.
I’m not gonna lie: I respect that. It’s a total player-character move. Also, personally risky, so there’s that, too.
Flight of the Dino-Master!
I’m sure that the plan we’re about to talk about kind of worked on paper: after all super-villains are always creating all sorts of things or creatures that they’d then use to get revenge, take over the world, or become rich. So when Dino-Master (real name: Herbert Grant, verified Mad Scientist who managed to slip through the high school guidance counseling process) figured out how to create a Devolvo-Ray that would turn reptiles and birds into dinosaurs, he thought that he had something hot, here. Convert a zoo, have a rampage, everything would be great.
And it worked! He even managed to solve the mass problem (turning a chicken into a full-sized T-Rex is gonna require some special Mad Science, right there) with a handy protein slurry gun. So, all of a sudden, the countryside’s full of dinosaurs, ready to rampage! …Only, they’re not.
It’s a bit rich for my blood – sixty bucks for a board/card game about rival dark cults at the end of the world is a bit much, especially since I know that I won’t play it – but danged if it doesn’t look entertaining. They had a few copies at GenCon that promptly sold out, but the Kickstarter has already started:
The aesthetic is all very medieval metal, if that makes any sort of sense. The kind of artwork where you don’t bother with opening up any color tubes besides black and brown. But again, it looks fun.
…Why is Matt Damon in this movie?