Tag: cracked.com

QotD, Cracked’s Gor Movie Review Edition. (NSFW)

First off, relax.  The movie is old.

Anyway, the quote is below the fold, when the author more or less lost it when having to review said Gor movie.  It’s below the fold because the language is just a bit rough… but it’s beauty, in his way.  And, speaking as a political blogger… well.  We all have our little crosses to bear. Continue reading QotD, Cracked’s Gor Movie Review Edition. (NSFW)

Cracked.com checks out the Green Movement.

Nice to know I’m not the only one who noticed the religious nature of these people:

Stephen explained in hushed tones that this was a group of social vegans; they practiced a strict regimen of avoiding animal products at all gatherings. He insisted that if I were to try it, after awhile I wouldn’t even like the taste of meat or dairy anymore in the presence of others.

It made sense. At last I understood the self-flagellation part of this faith. We were to inconvenience ourselves with no discernible end, save the faith that the practice alone would make us feel better about our impact on this planet. All our self-loathing could be expunged by a constant regiment of minimal corporal punishment, eating tree bark. Just like in other religions, I gathered, suffering was beautiful to them. I looked around and it was working; they were all so beautiful in their conviction. I threw my arms around Stephen in a supportive hug and the Grape-Nuts fell.

:pause:

Dag.  It’s like I’ve got no mockery left in me right now.  Has the last month critically depleted my snark pile to below a self-sustaining level?

John Byrne: precog?

Seriously, if this were the Victorian era they’d be having the guy try to vomit ectoplasm, or something.  For those too lazy clicking the link, it’s a Cracked.com article where they list some real-world events predicted by comic books, for a given value of ‘predicted.’  Byrne’s record (he has three of the six entries in that particular article) is thus clearly evidence of power over Space and Time itself, no matter how he tries to hide it by pointing out that when your day job is to draw pictures of somewhat-picturesque disaster in the (sorta) contemporary world, every so often the real world and your fake one will probably happen to match up…

Moe Lane Continue reading John Byrne: precog?

Cracked.com’s top-ten list on *useful* school topics.

This… is a darn good list.  So good that I suspect that the author started off trying to be lightly snide*, then watched in steadily-increasing horror as he started actually producing something with inherent value for Western civilization.  I mean, it’s not The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress or anything, but it’s definitely useful.

I especially like the chapter headings for #5 (“Health: How to Stop Throwing Your Money Away on Snake Oil”):

I. Pharmaceutical Companies Are Dicks, But at Least They Use Scientists;
II. Why Hippies Have Never Discovered a Single Disease Cure;
III. “Homeopathic” is Another Word for Voodoo Bullshit;
IV. Just Go See a Doctor You Big Baby.

…although somebody will argue those. They always do, really.

Moe Lane

*Not a criticism: Cracked.com does lightly snide very well, and very entertainingly.

#rsrh Cracked’s Cracked Celebrity Causes Cataloged.

Cracked.com can expect some pushback on one of their latest (“The 6 Most Misguided Causes Ever Made Famous by Celebrities“): it’s going to be considered not helpful to point out that, truly, almost invariably Lefty celebrities tend to embrace some truly imbecilic Lefty causes, from The War on Domestic Justice (Mumia the Cop-Killer Good!) and The War On Foreign Justice (Castro the Dictator Good!) and The War On Objective Reality (9/11 is all because of US/Joooooooos!) – and, of course, The War On Science* (Immunizations Bad!). Apparently that last one is going to be getting much, much bigger, thanks to Jenny McCarthy getting a show from Oprah.  As Cracked put it:

All of America is about to catch McCarthy Fever! And measles.

Pretty much.

Moe Lane

*For some reason, some of the most tedious Republicans-hate-science types get very defensive when the entire ‘vaccines cause autism’ thing comes up.  It’s almost as if they’re being – ‘zounds! – hypocritical!  But that’s the worse non-violent secular sin in Western civil society possible, so of course they can’t be that…

Kind of getting *intense* out there, huh?

Here. Have some Cracked: The 5 Most Half-Assed Scams That Were Shockingly Successful.

A few years ago, criminals targeted a large grocery corporation based in Minnesota called SuperValu. They own some of the biggest super market chains in the country, and like all corporations, the dollar is their bottom line. They very tightly monitor every cent that flows in and out of, ah, just kidding! They hurl that shit at anything that moves until it goes away.

See, while the criminal’s plan was to steal millions of dollars from the company–possibly by robbing the company’s armored cars, hacking into the company’s bank accounts or breaking into the company’s headquarters and looting the vault–the options, as you can see, are not easy ones. So they just sent an email to SuperValu asking them to send the money instead; which they did. To the tune of more than $10 million.

No, nothing political in this article. If they had, they wouldn’t have been able to hold it down to five. Or fifty. Or five thousand, probably.

Quote of the Day, Cracked.com edition.

As part of their ever-so-slightly incredulous reaction to the story of David Williams – a man who took the time offered to him in prison to design and create several innovations in firearms technology (ones later used in the M-1 carbine*), they wrote:

If you think it’s a little scary that convicted murderers are allowed to manufacture and sell weaponry to the military from prison, please realize this was truly the best-case scenario. Because when you hear the phrase “invented a new super-rifle in prison” it’s usually followed by the phrases “bloodbath the likes of which the world has never seen” and “vowed revenge on Captain America.”

Although that’s more Marvel than DC.

Moe Lane

*There is a dispute over this, but then there is a dispute about everything involving military history, technology, tactics, and/or methodology.  You get used to it; you’d better, because you don’t really have a choice anyway.