Jun
15
2018
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Creature Seed: Ballistic Squid.

Ballistic Squid – Google Docs

Ballistic Squid

 

This species of alien mollusk (about the size and general shape of the largest Terran giant Pacific octopus) shows obvious signs of genetic tampering; it absolutely should, considering that it can launch itself out of the water and travel about a hundred feet up before gravity takes control again.  This is not a survival mechanism; Ballistic Squid can survive the experience if it lands in the water again, but if it hits anything metal the Squid’s body pulps itself. More genetic engineering, probably.

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May
05
2018
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Creature Seed: Gatebusters.

Gatebusters – Google Docs

Gatebusters

 

Description: six-foot long centipede-like creatures covered in somewhat offensive-smelling mucus; said mucus is not completely compatible with regular human physiology).  Gatebusters seem to feed on the energies that are generated by teleportation or interdimensional travel; the ‘mouths’ filled with razor sharp teeth found on either end of their bodies seems to be merely for defensive purposes.  Fortunately, they generally remain passive, only attacking when provoked (which includes keeping them from feeding). Gatebusters are also somewhat impressively armored; military weaponry can shift one, but regular civilian arms will simply just tick the creatures off.

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Apr
29
2018
1

Creature Seed: The Dreamer in the Ice.

Dreamer in the Ice – Google Docs

The Dreamer in the Ice

 

Description: a thirty foot tall, admittedly monstrous-looking (what you can see of it), frozen entity in the middle of a glacier.

 

Well, that’s what the fishermen out of Skarsvåg, Norway call it.  They never actually talk to outsiders about the Dreamer in the Ice, because they know that the Dreamer doesn’t want them to.  But they talk to it. The Dreamer comes to them in their own dreams; large, cold, of a form not native to Earth.  From its sets of lips drip alien lore and uncanny whispers. And the whispers cajole, they do.  The Dreamer can offer many things; good fishing, for one. The Dreamer has many mysterious and arcane powers. All the fishermen need to do is provide in return what the Dreamer requests.  Such simple things, really. Mere baubles.

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Apr
25
2018
2

Creature Seed: Riding Sloths.

Riding Sloths – Google Docs

Riding Sloths

 

Description: it’s a giant ground sloth, maybe a bit smaller than Megatherium.  The species is also a good deal less fussy about its plant-based diet than Megatherium was, and has adapted to grain- and fungi-based diets with some enthusiasm.  Riding Sloths have also been somewhat adapted for humanoid riders at this point. The species instinctively herds, even in captivity.

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Apr
14
2018
1

Creature Seed: Miniature Tree Giraffes.

 

Miniature Tree Giraffes – Google Docs

Miniature Tree Giraffes

 

Well, they’re about the size of a capuchin monkey and look a lot like giraffes; the only real difference is that Miniature Tree Giraffes have prehensile, toed feet instead of hooves.  Oh, and they eat fruit, leaves, and small insects. Otherwise, yeah, pretty giraffe-like. They started showing up in the Congo river basin about six months ago, and they’re remarkably common at this point.

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Apr
08
2018
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Creature Seed: Drug Bugs.

Drug Bugs – Google Docs

 

Drug Bugs

 

The 2060s were a messed-up time, man.  It took a while for the basic techniques for fast genetic engineering to make its way down to the high school level, but once it did — hoo, boy.  Mix smart adolescents with the building blocks for Abominations of Science, and all sorts of stupid ideas can be born.

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Mar
16
2018
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Creature Seed: The Chattering Man.

Chattering Man – Google Docs

The Chattering Man

 

Chattering Man

Chattering Man

Big white whiskers,

Lives in a can;

 

Give him a buck

He’ll treat you good

But if you’re mean

He’ll get you good.

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Jan
23
2018
1

Creature seed: Pseudo-blankets.

Blame my wife for this one.

Pseudo-blankets – Google Docs

Pseudo-blankets

 

They’re not exactly monsters.  Yes, they were summoned from an eldritch plane of existence that isn’t very nice. Yes, back in their home dimension they’re vicious predators. And yes, they were summoned by evil magicians in order to be monsters.  Amateur evil magicians.

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Jan
21
2018
2

Creature Seed: Warpex Cats.

So I saw this picture of Tom Baker being delightedly covered in kittens.

Warpex Cats – Google Docs

Warpex Cats

(felis catus gallifreyus, heinleinus, or ultharus)

 

These are all distinct species, although they are derived from the Canadian Foldex cat breed; no Warpex is interfertile with regular domestic house cats (or, indeed, another species of Warpex). All three Warpex species strongly resemble the Foldex, both in appearance and temperament. It can in fact be difficult to distinguish a Warpex from a Foldex, at least until the special abilities of the former manifest.

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Jan
01
2018
4

Creature seed: Ceteacopters.

When I told my wife about this, she at first thought that lift was accomplished by tying two whales together, and spinning them.  When I pointed out that this was a silly idea — I mean, really, the whales would just start vomiting — she looked at me.  And then she helplessly started to laugh.

Ceteacopters – Google Docs

Ceteacopters

 

History does not record the name of the medieval mage who first looked at a whale, and then at a double samara (otherwise known as a ‘helicopter seed’), and decided that the two should be combined, somehow.  Possibly because History was laughing too hard: first at the concept, and then the exceedingly comic attempts to execute it.  For some reason, Northern European mages and monarchs were obsessed at the idea of making a whale take off, hover in the air, and then touch down in a specific and precise location.  

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