:monotone voice: No. Don’t. Stop.
I use Google for the same reason that I use the other Big Tech products: because, bluntly, I have no practical alternative*. I have no inherent love for any of them, and I certainly have no real urge to keep them from being metaphorically gutted like a fish. I’m sure it’d be painful to bust the Google trust – but then, getting a new crown put on can be painful, too. Still has to get done.
*I know there are alternatives, sure. Just no practical ones.
HAHAHAHAHA Yeah that’s not gonna happen, chummer.
Continue reading Google wants to be a bank, says your data will be safHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
The Google empire is enormous and ubiquitous, covering basically the entire Internet in one way or another. There is, however, one lucrative business the company does not yet have a foothold in: banking. And now it has plans to change that.
Google is working to launch consumer checking accounts next year, The Wall Street Journal first reported this morning. The project, code-named Cache because apparently nobody can resist a pun, is expected to launch next year, sources told the Journal. CNBC, also citing “sources familiar,” confirmed the WSJ’s reporting.
I know that a lot of services start out with clumsy launches, but that number seems kind of ridiculous. Also, after flipping through the list: I’m not really sure who wants to shell out a hundred and thirty bucks to access these games, particularly if they already have all of the ones that they want anyway. Sure, I get the idea of cross-platform support. But I guess that I just don’t care about it?
Well, Maybe my kids will when they’re my age. But for right now it just seems like the sort of early-adopter thing that you should let somebody else scream at the monitor for a change. It’s bad enough that I have to have Steam, GoG, and Epic.
This is a complicated subject…
Continue reading Facebook breaks with Huewai; Google would rather not.
- Facebook: “Facebook Inc is no longer allowing pre-installation of its apps on Huawei phones, the latest blow for the Chinese tech giant as it struggles to keep its business afloat in the face of a U.S. ban on its purchase of American parts and software. “
- Google: “According to a report from The Financial Times, Google’s recent discussions with the US government actually argue that the Huawei ban is bad for national security. Google is reportedly asking for an exemption from the export ban. “
Assuming that’s what they’re doing.
Continue reading I suggest that Google NOT release a game platform.
Google has been really coy about what it plans to unveil at this year’s Game Developers Conference. They sent mysterious invites out, a patent for a game controller surfaced, and now they’ve released an interesting video. The video doesn’t reveal much, but it does show several scenes that could very easily be parts of games. At the end there’s a little sound that could be their chime for a game console, which is the prevailing rumor. The video description reveals that the presentation will happen on March 19, 2019 at 10 AM PDT when they “unveil Google’s vision for the future of gaming.”
EVOKE THE CULMINATING HARVEST UPON THEIR WING-MEATS:
“You hear that little beating sound?” says Kathleen Parkes, a spokesperson for Verily Life Sciences, a unit of Alphabet. She’s trailing the van in her car, the windows down. “Like a duh-duh-duh? That’s the release of the mosquitoes.”
Jacob Crawford, a Verily senior scientist riding with Parkes, begins describing a mosquito-control technique with dazzling potential. These particular vermin, he explains, were bred in the ultra-high-tech surroundings of Verily’s automated mosquito rearing system, 200 miles away in South San Francisco. They were infected with Wolbachia, a common bacterium. When those 80,000 lab-bred Wolbachia-infected, male mosquitoes mate with their counterpart females in the wild, the result is stealth annihilation: the offspring never hatch. Better make that 79,999. “One just hit the windshield,” says Crawford.
Continue reading Google working on ways to eliminate mosqKILL THEM ALL, GOOGLE. EVERY LAST MOSQUITO.
According to a report in the Wall Street Journal, Google discovered a “software glitch” earlier this year that allowed third-party developers access to some 500,000 private profile data since 2015, including “full names, email addresses, birth dates, gender, profile photos, places lived, occupation and relationship status.”
In a blog post about its Project Strobe initiative, which is a “root-and-branch review of third-party developer access to Google account and Android device data,” Google announced that it will be shutting down Google+ for consumers between now and August due to “significant challenges” to maintaining a social network.
Continue reading Google reminds world of Google+ by kill-switching it.
I’ll be honest: I wasn’t really planning in letting Google any further into my life and my phone anyway. So this is merely validation:
Google’s just-announced Pixel 2 phones don’t have a headphone jack. The 3.5mm connector is missing.
It’s not on the top, where Google placed it on last year’s Pixel. And it’s not on the bottom either, where you’ll find the USB-C data/charge port all by its lonesome. The audio jack is simply gone. Google just pulled an Apple — deleting a port that’s still common to find in millions upon millions of devices.
Continue reading Google following Apple into a post-headphone jack wasteland.
Did Google screw this up?
Fun party trick: if you see a cow, and point at it while saying ‘Cow’ in just the right deadpan voice, people will automatically look to see the cow. And once you’ve got them doing it, they’ll do it even when they’re in a completely ridiculous place to find a cow. And it doesn’t matter if they know that you’re doing this to them. An ex-girlfriend called the condition ‘bovilepsy,’ and I’ve spent half my life amusing myself with this particular game.
So… :pointing: Cow.