Tag: item

Item seed: Obelophage Therapy

obelophage-therapy-google-docs

Obelophage Therapy

This particular Forbidden Book purports to be a self-help tome (author is “Tony Pat Haler,” and the book is published in 1994 by a North American publisher that doesn’t actually exist) for people looking for financial success.  A casual perusal of the book suggests that it simply rehashes the hoary old concept of ‘you have to spend money to make money; unfortunately, only a casual perusal of the book is at all safe.  Even one reading of Obelophage Therapy can be enough to infect the victim’s mind. Continue reading Item seed: Obelophage Therapy

Item Seed: The Faerie Van.

the-faerie-van-google-docs

The Faerie Van

The Faerie Van resembles an old-style red Volkswagen microbus with opaque windows and a skylight.  It glows under magical scans, for very obvious reasons: it’s intensely magical.  It’s also perfectly safe if you enter the Van through the doors; it drives like a bus and works like one.  However, if you go in or out through the skylight… you probably aren’t coming back.  The skylight acts each way as a portal to a fairyland – one of the unpleasant ones – and going through doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be able to come back. Continue reading Item Seed: The Faerie Van.

Item Seed: Cthu-Cola.

cthu-cola-google-docs

Cthu-Cola

Well, the bottle is kind of eldritch-looking.  It’s the sort of eldritch-looking that one gets when somebody takes an actual eldritch concept and focus-groups it a few times. The bottle is blue-grey-black.  There’s a vaguely squid-godlike being on the label.  It tastes like carbonated sugar water with some odd, but tasty, flavorings and spices. And it absolutely glows when magically scanned.  Blindingly so, in fact. Continue reading Item Seed: Cthu-Cola.

Item Seed: The Age of Asparagus.

The name absolutely fascinates me.

the-age-of-asparagus-google-docs

The Age of Asparagus

The Age of Asparagus, at first look, appears to be a fairly innocuous (but exceptionally well-maintained) 30-foot civilian powerboat.  Taking a closer look, however, reveals that the boat has discreet hardpoints for mounting machine guns, ballistic inserts in key locations, several gun safes, bulletproof glass, and a communications rig that clearly came straight out of the US Navy. A smart observer would then conclude, accurately enough, that the Age of Asparagus was a converted infiltration boat used by special forces for clandestine purposes.  An Illuminated observer, on the other hand, would already be aware of this absolutely infamous and precious paramilitary resource. Continue reading Item Seed: The Age of Asparagus.

Adventure/Item Seed: “LEARN THE FACTS ABOUT PNEUMAPHAGY!”

Briefing: A case’s worth of the pamphlet below was just delivered to the Columbus, Ohio office of Housing and Urban Development.  It is currently causing quite a lot of consternation, given that a) nobody ordered it, b) nobody paid for it, c) the DC printing company on the invoice likewise have no records showing that the case was ordered, paid for, produced, and/or delivered, and d) valid signatures from both HUD and the printing company’s personnel are all over the paperwork that accompanied the pamphlets.  So it’s either a remarkably comprehensive practical joke, or there’s something weird going on.

Figure out which.

Learn The Facts About Pneumaphagy   Continue reading Adventure/Item Seed: “LEARN THE FACTS ABOUT PNEUMAPHAGY!”

Item Seed: The Eomvjrdyrt

the-eomvjrdyrt-_s-pronounced-winchester-map-google-docs

The Eomvjrdyrt <s[ {pronounced ‘Winchester Map’}

One of the peculiarities of this item is that people who look at it somehow instinctively know that its name is spelled “Eomvjrdyrt <s[,“ but is pronounced “Winchester Map.”  This is a real phenomenon: some researchers back in 1996 did a double-blind study that confirmed that the human brain instinctively knows how to instantly translate the symbols found on the Map into their own language.  This would have been worth any number of academic papers, except that… well. It would have been inappropriate.

The Map kind of has this effect on people.  As near as anybody can work out, there’s nothing malicious or dangerous about it at all, but the Map is absolutely unnatural all of the same.  The Map seems to seamlessly and effortlessly warp reality itself in its presence, apparently for the express purpose of making anybody who is in contact with, or aware of, it remarkably nonchalant about the way the Map rewrites physical reality.  People don’t even go insane from their inability to reconcile the paradox!  The worst result that anybody’s ever gotten from contemplating the mystery of the Map was a mild stress headache. Continue reading Item Seed: The Eomvjrdyrt

Item Seed: Super-Quencher.

Super-Quencher – Google Docs

Super-Quencher

There are seven impossible things about the popular new carbonated soft drink Super-Quencher:

  1. It freezes at zero degrees Fahrenheit.  There is nothing in the chemical makeup of this drink that would allow that to happen. Insert this sentence at the end of every subsequent bullet point.
  2. Its weight increases if it is frozen. This occurs even if the freezing is done in a vacuum.
  3. If you get it above 90 degrees Fahrenheit, it will increase its internal temperature until it is at a sustainable 155 degrees Fahrenheit.  The air around the drink will feel noticeably cooler.
  4. It is absolutely sterile. In fact, it cleans teeth of plaque and bacteria.
  5. It never goes flat. Ever.
  6. If you open a bottle of Super-Quencher, then tap it on the bottom, the liquid inside will run up the inner surface of the glass, overflow, and run smoothly down the outer surface of the glass. Until the glass is empty.
  7. If you put your arm into a tub of the stuff, your hand and clothes will not get wet, and no residue will cling to either.

Continue reading Item Seed: Super-Quencher.

Tachyon* Tagger [GURPS 4E, Timewatch]

Tachyon Tagger – Google Docs

Tachyon* Tagger [GURPS 4E, Timewatch]

A Tachyon Tagger typically looks like a small wand.  When pointed at something else, the Tagger irradiates the target with a stable particles that travel backwards in time.  This means, effectively, that any scanners that can detect these particles will be able to track down the item in the past. The exact ‘frequency**’ of these particles can be specifically set, allowing for only someone with the right ‘signature’ to track the item; or it can be set to be detectable by all scanners. Either way: the temporal range for these particles is about two thousand years before they decay, and most scanners will only be able to pick them up within a thirty mile range.  Amusingly, the user has to jump back in time in order to confirm that the Tagger worked: this device cannot be used to track an item into the future. Continue reading Tachyon* Tagger [GURPS 4E, Timewatch]

Item Seed: The Executioner’s Syringe.

The Executioner’s Syringe – Google Docs

The Executioner’s Syringe

These rather nasty magic items are made from needles and tubing that have been used in a legal execution. Typically, such things are destroyed immediately by some very grim-looking people from various obscure government agencies: but occasionally the necessary materials get smuggled out. There’s certainly a demand for the stuff, among groups that know how to use said materials ‘properly.’

Continue reading Item Seed: The Executioner’s Syringe.