So: weird cave, giant crystals, unusual microbes unknown to Science.

OK, look, I get it.  But stuff like this is too easy: I mean, you hear about this mine in Mexico where the crystals grow to ridiculous size, and where the researchers are finding all of these strange microbes that have evolved under insane conditions, and really, the horror scenario writes itself.  It’s effortless.  This is still the real world, and in the real world things don’t always fit the tropes…

Describing working in the cave [NASA astrobiologist Dr. Penelope Boston] said: “It was a transformative experience…it really felt strange. It was a very hard environment to work in, but tear-inducingly beautiful. It’s like being inside a geode.”

…Oh, come on.  Make me work for it a little. I don’t need coddling.