Lifehack: How to write modern poetry.

When I read this Hot Air article on the white dude who got his poem published by submitting it using an Asian pseudonym, well, first I laughed. And then I laughed a little more. But eventually I was done chuckling, and then I decided that I should share with the world the method that I developed in college to write modern poetry for my English classes.  Worked like a charm – and I always did very well in my English classes, I’ll have you know*.

Moe Lane’s Foolproof Method for Writing Modern Poetry

  1. Open up your word processor.
  2. Decide how long your poem needs to be.
  3. Type out about two paragraphs worth of stuff.  It doesn’t really matter what, as long as it’s vaguely coherent. Banal is good. Perfect, even.
  4. Go to the first word. Control-Right Arrow your way through the text; at semi-random intervals stop, and hit the Enter key.  The length of the intervals depends on how long you want your poem to be; but don’t be consistent.
  5. When you have reached the end, look to see: is your poem the right length of lines? If so, hit save.  If not, go back up to the text and create/remove lines as necessary.
  6. Pick a title. Pick something vague, pretentious, and at least vaguely related to the text.

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