Moe Lane

You can tell that he’s seen what cannot be unseen. I have not vetted this particular critic, as is my usual wont, on the grounds that this review is just too damn funny not to share. I had to make a gut call, and I did. That’s why I’m here.

The film that everyone is in is largely the musical of cats singing about what kind of cat they are and this repeats until you pray for the sweet release of death. Tom Hooper’s direction to his actors for this semblance of a plot was to act it super horny. That doesn’t give Cats a raw sexual energy as much as it makes everything incredibly uncomfortable like when Rum Tum Tugger (Jason Derulo) is dumping milk into cats’ faces or Macavity just seems more nude than other cats even though technically all the cats are nude. But if it wasn’t enough to make the cats horny (why are they so horny), Hooper also feels the need to make it gross by having them dig through trash and play up their animal instincts. Cats always feels like it’s two seconds away from turning into a furry orgy in a dumpster. That’s the energy you have to sit with for almost two hours.

Gimme a break, Juan Soto.

“I’m thankful to be celebrating this with my first beer with these guys,” Soto said Wednesday night, according to MLB.com.

Spoilers after the fold, although by now you’ve probably seen the movie. Well, I assume. Over 2 billion dollars in ticket sales? …Well, somebody’s watched it.

Kid’s real bad about giving away the plot to the movies he’s in. Tom Holland doesn’t even mean to do it. It just comes out. So…

“I remember for Avengers, the Russo Brothers are like ‘so you’re just standing here, and you’re fighting this guy and just do whatever,’ and I’m like, ‘okay, who am I fighting?

And they were like ‘well, we can’t tell you because it’s a secret.’ I’m like, ‘okay so what does he look like?’ And they’re like ‘well, we can’t tell you because that would give it away,’ so I’m like ‘how big is he?’ ‘Well, we can’t tell you because that would give it away.’ So, I’m just standing there punching the air for 15 minutes and when I took the job I didn’t think that’s what I’d be doing. I’ve gotten used to it now.”

Via Geektyrant.

“If you have thousands of dollars to go on a trip to see Blink 182, that’s on you; that’s Darwinism at its finest.”  I don’t know who the dude is, but it’s from the documentary on the infamous Fyre party.  And I want to argue this.  Even people with more money than sense have a right to expect that they’ll get what they actually paid for.

But there’s that little, highly inappropriate part of me that persists in giggling.

I have to give the reviewer here credit for recognizing his situation.

Me at 8 years old: This movie is the best movie I’ve ever seen in my life.

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I treasure it.  On Keith Richards cutting back on his drinking:

[Keith] Richards added that “it was interesting to play sober,” while [Ronnie] Wood noted: “We’re weaving [guitar parts] a lot more conscientiously now. We’re much more aware of the gaps and the spaces between. We’re in our seventies, but we’re still rocking like we’re 40-year-olds, you know?”

…Bless you, Ronnie Wood.

(Via somewhere. The place where I thought I saw it? I didn’t see it there when I went back to get the link.) [UPDATE: It was Ed Driscoll, over at Instapundit.]

From the publicity stuff for Season Eight of Game of Thrones:

“It’s about all of these disparate characters coming together to face a common enemy, dealing with their own past, and defining the person they want to be in the face of certain death. It’s an incredibly emotional haunting bittersweet final season and I think it honors very much what [author George R.R. Martin] set out to do — which is flipping this kind of story on its head.”

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It’s true! “Learning etymology is like going through the attic of a recently dead uncle, who seemed mostly domesticated, but who spent his life having x-rated adventures.”  The stuff that you say innocently today would have made your great-grandparents shudder, and will make your great-grandchildren blush.  The best part?  Thanks to the invention of modern A/V recording devices, they’ll be able to understand them, too!  It’s gonna take a LOT longer for languages to shift, now that we routinely preserve how people speak.  Which is kind of interesting, isn’t it?

Well, it’s interesting to me and this is my website.  So there.

The author here has a point.

The collective internet is kind of like the little kid in AI: Artificial Intelligence. When it loves something, that love is the most passionate, powerful and awe-inspiring thing. And if you even slightly interfere with that love in any way, it will destroy you with a cold, mechanical fury.

Particularly since the author was referencing what happened when they made a live-action Avatar: The Last Airbender — No! Sit back down!  It’s OK!  It’s OK!  The franchise is dead!  It can’t hurt anybody anymore!  You can even click the link; it goes to a Blu-Ray of the real show.  The animated one.

Anyway.  See what the author meant?