Moe Lane

Code Monkey Run – Google Docs

Code Monkey Run

Superficially, Code Monkey Run is yet another mobile runner game; the player directs a running monkey down an endless road, dodging the usual obstacles, acquiring the usual power-ups, and so forth until the monkey hits an obstacle.  The general theme is computer-related (hence the name), and the game is free-to-play. It’s mildly dull, though; and having your code monkey dodge computer chips and whatnot quickly palls. Most people download it, play it a couple of times, then stop.

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Infinite Geste – Google Docs

Infinite Geste

The Lords of Time who came up with Infinite Geste had a simple goal: come up with an organization that could function in any historical era, any timeline, any alternate universe, from the Dawn of Man to the Fall of Man.  So perhaps it wasn’t really ‘simple.’  ‘Straightforward’ works just as well as a description, though.

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I do wonder if I’ve ever made this joke before.

Kore-Cola – Google Docs

Kore-Cola

Made with real pomegranates!  And birch! And chervil! And a bunch of other herbs traditionally associated with death and the afterlife!  Not that they really mention those herbs on the label, and honestly: pomegranate is the important ingredient.  These particular pomegranates are from the orchard that Persephone planted in order to have a supply of seeds that would take her back to the underworld — what’s that?  Yes, well, suffice it to say that the Greek myths kind of got a few minor details wrong. Like the fact that Persephone and her mother actually invaded Hades’ domain (in fairness, he deserved it), and that Persephone and Hades were both being very much Greek deities about the situation. Which is to say: rude, entitled, mercurially violent, and utterly incapable of staying out of each other’s beds.  As usual.

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Norton’s Key – Google Docs

Norton’s Key

Location: on the western cliff top of Alcatraz Island, San Francisco, California.

Description: it’s the standard sword-in-the-stone setup; the Key is a battered old Union Cavalry saber and the stone it’s stuck in is a giant hunk of benitoite.  A plaque on the stone says, in English and Spanish: Whosoever pulls me from this stone will be the True Chatelan of the Emperor of the United States and the Protector of Mexico. The site absolutely reeks of civic-flavored magic.

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Gnomish Coffee – Google Docs

Gnomish Coffee

There’s coffee, and then there’s coffee grown on magical mountains, and then there’s carefully-engineered coffee meticulously grown on magical mountains by Gnomes.  Their tinkers, engineers, alchemists, and craftsmen practically live on the stuff, of course; so naturally Gnomes have been selectively cultivating coffee plants ever since the first Gnome had her first cup from a passing trader.  Gnomes tend coffee plantations the way some species tend vineyards.

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Lodewick, Idaho – Google Docs

Lodewick, Idaho

At least, that’s what the records in the town all say. The site was discovered by hikers in Idaho’s Salmon-Challis National Forest about three weeks ago, and the panic button was hit almost right away. The Lodewick ruins had literally (and this is not an abuse of the term ‘literally’) appeared overnight; the two hikers in question had walked the same trail the day before, and saw nothing but Idaho. And, as it happened, one of the hikers had the kind of job that would allow him to drop a governmental Cone of Silence over the entire site.
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Kaminsky Retrieval – Google Docs

The Kaminsky Retrieval

Well, it’s like this.  There’s a pseudo-saurian race in the next Galactic Sector called the sirothnok.  They kind of dominate their Sector, in fact. The sirothnok are not exactly awful, per se: but they are somewhat touchy, fairly over-proud of their dignity, and have a certain reputation for pushing a quarrel farther than might be wise.  They’re not an existential threat to humanity and our friends, but nobody wants a war with the sirothnok.

Fortunately, they get along well with humans, for the oddest of reasons: twins.  Sirothnok tend to have twin births at about the same rate as humans have singleton ones, and that of course has affected their entire culture.  It turns out that most Galactic species don’t really have twins at all; and while many species do have reliable cloning techniques, the sirothnok typically find clone-twins from other species to be a bit grating.  Human twins don’t provoke that reaction, though. In fact, human twins find it much easier than other humans do to navigate sirothnok society; they can just get the ‘feel’ for the cultures more easily than singletons can. (more…)

Seazing The Day – Google Docs

Seazing The Day!

Unlock Your Inner Powers Using Ancient Kootulu Wisdom

Seazing The Day! Unlock Your Inner Powers Using Ancient Kootulu Wisdom is scheduled to be published some time next fall.  It’s a fairly breezy self-help book, about one hundred and fifty pages long, and was written by one ‘Lavinia Gilman’ (the helpful author photo on the back shows a fairly attractive redhead with no signs of Deep One taint).  It is almost offensively banal in its message; the book features the usual combination of obvious practical suggestions and pseudo-psychological pablum. In this case, Seazing The Day! Takes a distinctly nautical theme, promising ‘deep insights from inside your personal depths’ and talking about visualizing ‘briny companions on your descent into wisdom’ and so forth.  And it’s probably going to hit the bestseller list, God help us all.

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Kingkiller Cave – Google Docs

Kingkiller Cave

The lack of an apostrophe and ‘s’ there is rather important, in fact.  The ‘official’ name of the place is Judges Cave; it’s a place in Connecticut that once sheltered a couple of judges who had been part of the group that sentenced Charles I of England to death.  As one might imagine, post-Restoration England was far too hot for them, and even the colonies weren’t exactly safe. But they eventually got away, died in exile, and never were hanged, drawn, and quartered.  So, merely a mildly interesting local legend, right?

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Reassuring Cacophony – Google Docs

The Reassuring Cacophony

This… apparatus… is currently located in the basement of an otherwise unremarkable-looking cement building in the middle of the Australian Outback (northwest of Maree). Despite its appearance, the building itself is remarkably resistant to damage, and is inexplicably outfitted with light, water, and HVAC. The power sockets in the walls assume plugs of a non-existent type, but somebody fitted adaptors to American and European plugs a while back. The first and only floor of the building can fit about twelve people in sleeping bags; there is a sink, toilet (which shows signs of being installed later), refrigerator (ditto), and a cube that, when turned on, can boil water and fry eggs. There is also a storage closet, stuffed with long-term staples like toilet paper and cleaning supplies. There are no windows; light comes from a flat circle on the ceiling, and is almost unremarkably normal. (more…)