Apr
21
2017
1

Location Seed: Retro-Active Temporal Stabilization Sites.

Retro-Active Temporal Stabilization Sites – Google Docs

 

Retro-Active Temporal Stabilization Sites

 

Apparently, way in the future our descendants — somebody’s descendants, at least — are going to have a real problem with sudden, geographically-focused, bouts of space-time instability.  The usual stuff: reality quakes, gaping holes in the structure of the universe, the disembodied screams of the damned, and so forth.  Fortunately, for given values of ‘fortunately,’ there’s a method for dealing with the problem.  Unfortunately, it involves ‘bleeding’ the instability backwards in time until sufficient ‘pressure’ is released to allow for a permanent fix.

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Apr
20
2017
3

Adventure Seed: The Grant Escape.

Just as a reminder: Julia Child was a member of the freaking OSS.

Grant Escape – Google Docs

 

The Grant Escape

Turns out that Ulysses S Grant is not actually buried in Grant’s Tomb.  He’s apparently not buried at all, in fact. And, yes, we’re talking about something that’s a bit creepier than mere grave-robbing.

It’s like this: old H.P. Lovecraft was onto something with regard to Essential Saltes — or, rather, the books of his grandfather’s that he mined for ideas were onto something.  Not the bits about cosmic horror, hopefully; but the techs keep babbling something about DNA echoes and the holographic residue thrown off by souls and the short version is, if you mix enough of a corpse with enough carbon, water, sodium chloride, and [CLASSIFIED] you can get a self-aware humanoid product of science that more or less has the skill set and memories of the original donor.

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Apr
18
2017
1

Campaign seed: The B.A.B.Y. Protocol.

I blame Internet videos.

BABY Protocol – Google Docs

The B.A.B.Y. Protocol

 

The Broad-ABility Yield Protocol (at this level of security, you’re allowed to make puns) is that rarity: a genuine international conspiracy.  One that every government in the world has either signed up for, or at least sworn to keep quiet about.  And that’s not an idle oath, either: even the threat of the failure to do at least the latter has resulted in at least six regime changes since 1978.

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Apr
17
2017
3

Species Seed: Ant-men.

I spent the entire afternoon on this, and I’m not exactly sure why.

Ant-Men – Google Docs

 

Ant-Men

formica xenosapiens ebrios

 

Description: six-limbed sapient species standing about three and a half feet tall, in a fully-upright position.  The head resembles a terrestrial ant’s, only facing forward.  The eyes are segmented, typically blue or green in color; dietary habits typically leave an Ant-Man’s eyes in a condition where the capillaries can be clearly seen.

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Apr
12
2017
1

Creature seed: the Screaming Death Killbot 6000.

Blame this.  Because I sure do.

Screaming Death Killbot 6000 – Google Docs

 

Screaming Death Killbot 6000

 

It’s three feet tall, made of mirror-smooth and polished flexible steel that somehow never shows any sort of seam or joint.  It has a roughly humanoid face, with two alarmingly large glowing eyes and a LCD ‘mouth’ that flashes when it ‘laughs,’ which the Screaming Death Killbot 6000 does often — typically when it’s killing its prey.  The hands and feet all end in alarming-looking blades that shock, stab, serrate at high speed, or otherwise inflict prodigious amounts of blood and pain.  And it talks just the way, while using just the dementedly-cheerful child’s voice, that you’d expect from something called the ‘Screaming Death Killbot 6000.’

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Apr
11
2017
1

Item Seed: Octavian Doom Candles.

Octavian Doom Candles – Google Docs

 

Octavian Doom Candles

 

This somewhat esoteric protective artifact is supposed to not really be ominous, aside from the name. Unless you’re a minor auto-scripted, semi-autonomous post-corporeal soul fragment (or, sure, ‘ghost’), of course.  Then it’s a big, heaping serving of Doom..

 

The Octavian Doom Candle (the origin of the name is slightly obscure) operates as a two-stage incendiary device: lighting the top causes the candle to eventually ‘unfold’ into a rotating wheel of eight large candles (and a second tier of six smaller ones).  In the mundane world, this is mostly used as a gimmick for birthday cakes.  In the esoteric world, the interaction of the flames and the movement is absolutely irresistible to minor ghosts.  They get entranced, get sucked into the center flame, and then get burned up.

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Apr
10
2017
--

Creature Seed: Blobees.

Blobees – Google Docs

 

Blobees

 

Yup. They’re little flying blobs with gooey wings that pollinate plants.  They’re about the size of a bumblebee, move about as quickly as a bumblebee, and live in what’s sort of a hive.  Crack a Blobee ‘hive’ open, though, and you get a lot of undifferentiated protoplasm and a bunch of something that kind of tastes like honey (good luck figuring out a hive’s lifespan, assuming that the question even makes any kind of sense.). Where Blobees also differ from regular bees is that, since they’re pretty much flying droplets of goo, they can get through screen doors and windows without very much trouble.

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Apr
09
2017
1

Item Seed: Creepify.exe.

Creepify – Google Docs

 

Creepify.exe

 

This free PC browser extension would be strictly mythical, except that it appears just a little too often for that to happen. Its exact form varies from incarnation to incarnation; the browser used and the type of files it processes is never the same twice. So far, the only computer type that a version will appear is the PC. This equally relieves and offends Apple-using occultists.

 

For roughly 99.999% of the population, the only thing that Creepify.exe does is take an e-book’s text and ‘creepifies’ it by adding scary adverbs at random, switching out innocuous adjectives for alarming ones, and replacing all the proper nouns with names and places that are considered to be more baroque and unsettling. Creepify.exe is a free app; which is good, because the end result is usually extremely stupid and sometimes not even comprehensible.  

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Apr
08
2017
--

Location seed: The Chesterton Annex.

Chesterton Annex – Google Docs

The Chesterton Annex

 

So-called because the only human-compatible portion of the underground complex (found just north of Little Horwood, Buckinghamshire) has this quote by GK Chesterton on one wall (at the orders of Winston Churchill, and he never would say why):

 

I knew no harm of Bonaparte and plenty of the Squire,

And for to fight the Frenchman I did not much desire;

But I did bash their baggonets because they came arrayed

To straighten out the crooked road an English drunkard made,

Where you and I went down the lane with ale-mugs in our hands,

The night we went to Glastonbury by way of Goodwin Sands.

 

The nonhuman portion of the Annex, however, is a good deal more topologically interesting, and impossible to navigate by anybody who is more than three feet tall.  Recent advances in drone technology have allowed the British government to finally adequately map the area, which is apparently a three-dimensional crazy-quilt of passageways, gently pulsing ‘buildings,’ bizarre-looking floating objects that move with purpose and glow faintly blue, and a general hum of activity that seems to center around a slowly spinning globe of liquid metal that occasionally flickers with the obligatory lightning flashes that one gets with this sort of thing.

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Apr
05
2017
--

Creature seed: Torquigener albomaculosus occultarum.

Torquigener albomaculosus occultarum – Google Docs

Torquigener albomaculosus occultarum

 

This particular fish was first ‘discovered’ in 2013,  off of the coast of Japan. Sort of.  In boring, mundane terms it’s a species of pufferfish whose males attract mates by drawing remarkably symmetrical and elaborate patterns in the sand.  Torquigener albomaculosus occultarum will even decorate the pattern with pieces of shell and seafloor debris; it is presumed that all of this is due to the usual blind, aimless iterations of the evolutionary process.

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Apr
03
2017
--

Item Seed: Leabhar Maidin Glas.

 

Leabhar Maidin Glas – Google Docs

Leabhar Maidin Glas

(Green Morning Book)

 

This somewhat unlucky tome — well, unlucky for its readers — was the target of numerous thefts, the occasional assassination, at least one war; and even today it’s still valuable as a historical heirloom.  The book is in Middle Irish, and dates back to the 10th Century AD; and for its time the Leabhar Maidin Glas was a potent tome full of fell rituals and practices.  However, the practices in question were all in the field of agriculture, if you’ll pardon the pun; there’s absolutely nothing magical and esoteric in the book at all.  Well, nothing magical or esoteric, here in the modern era. Back in the day before scientific agronomy the tips found in the book would be remarkably good at increasing crop yields and breeding livestock, which is why so many petty noblemen kept raiding each other in order to get their hands on the only copy.

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Apr
03
2017
--

Item Seed: The Kirby Tester.

Kirby Tester – Google Docs

 

The Kirby Tester

 

This shrinkwrapped package consists of a handheld item resembling a portable taser; a CD containing a variety of diagnostic software programs; and an illustrated (four color, naturally) pamphlet explaining how to use both the item and the software.  Retail value $79.99, five dollar rebate coupon inside, a couple of links on the cover to websites that require an account to access. The package does not reek of extradimensional origin, assuming that somebody nearby has the ability to detect that sort of thing.

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