Sep
20
2017
0

Item Seed: Practical Demon Breeding.

Practical Demon Breeding – Google Docs

Practical Demon Breeding

 

This book (written by one “Mary O’Brien, Jermyn Chair of Exotic Zoology, OBE”) is not for the faint of heart.  Not that Practical Demon Breeding is actively pernicious; indeed, it is scrupulous about presenting a strong, credible, and practical case against encouraging evil behaviors and traits in one’s demons.  It’s just that it’s profusely illustrated; and… it’s a book about breeding demons.  Some of the pictures are nigh-impossible to credit.

 

And what are demons?  Well, they’re pretty much what people think of when they hear the word ‘imps:’ small, rather humanoid, supernatural creatures with an aptitude for destruction, and the native intelligence of a fairly bright dog.  From context clues, ‘demons’ have been a side effect of ‘spontaneous Hellmouth incursions’ since ‘the Monte Bello Disaster of 1952.’  Fortunately, demons are also apparently fairly tractable, and easily enough bred.  The book was published in 1990, which was enough time for the breeding program to reach its fourth generation.

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Sep
19
2017
0

Item Seed: Reverse-Gravity Bullets.

Reverse-Gravity Bullets – Google Docs

Reverse-Gravity Bullets

 

The name says it all: getting shot with one of these bullets (which can, quite inexplicably, fit into virtually any chemical-reaction firearm, somehow)  will cause gravity to reverse for the target for about five seconds. In practical terms, on Earth the target will accelerate upwards at about 30 feet per second, go up about 150 feet or so, then probably fall right back down again as gravity reasserts itself.  All of which assumes that there isn’t a ceiling or something in the way.  

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Sep
18
2017
0

Item Seed: Eel Juice.

Eel Juice – Google Docs

Eel Juice

 

Be very careful when handling this stuff; Eel Juice is a sticky, rather toxic liquid that also happens to be a room temperature superconductor. The species of eel that produces the juice is also an apex predator on its home dimension / planet / elemental plane, so getting the stuff isn’t exactly easy or cheap, either. But, hey: room temperature superconductor.  That’s worth a lot of money, and if it can be synthesized (Eel Juice may be esoteric, but it’s not inscrutable) then the stuff will rapidly start being worth even more.

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Sep
17
2017
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Adventure Seed: Operation MONOGRAM AZURE.

Operation MONOGRAM AZURE – Google Docs

Operation MONOGRAM AZURE

 

Twelve hours ago, six test subjects completed an eighteen month joint NASA/ESA experiment where they stayed, isolated, in an facility located underneath Mount Sermitsiaq in Greenland. The goal was to simulate, to an extent not attempted before, the conditions of a voyage to Mars; the ‘astronauts’ were deliberately kept even more isolated than in other experiments, and were informed ahead of time that the experiment would not be halted for anything less than an emergency with a high chance of literal death.  The six subjects volunteered anyway, and appeared to go on to have a remarkably straightforward and drama-free test session.

 

We are using the term ‘apparently’ because the exit interviews of the six subjects have provided some extremely alarming results:

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Sep
16
2017
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Creature Seed: Psionic Tongue Zombies.

Blame this.

Psionic Tongue Zombies – Google Docs

Psionic Tongue Zombies

 

Install a chip in people’s tongues to help them with their sleep apnea, they said.  Bathe their craniums with regular doses of electromagnetic energy, they said.  Make it all accessible via the Internet Of Things, they said.  You can probably see where this is going, right?

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Sep
15
2017
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Item Seed: Tennis Shoes.

Tennis Shoes – Google Docs

Tennis Shoes

These magic items subtly alter the path of projectiles, thus aiming them at the person wearing the Tennis Shoes.  It won’t unnaturally curve the trajectory of a projectile, but ‘in the general direction of’ is usually good enough to ensure a hit.  If somebody is actually aiming the projectile at someone, a hit is almost assured.  The top velocity of the projectile must be no more than about one hundred miles an hour, which means that it works on baseballs — but not, say, arrows. Also, the projectiles generally aim for the center of mass; this is not a spell for headshots.

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Sep
13
2017
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Group Seed: NATO SUBRON 23 “Abyssal”.

Blame this.

NATO SUBRON 23 “Abyssal” – Google Docs

 

NATO SUBRON 23 “Abyssal”

 

The records are there, if you know just where to look in the right Department of Defense archives.  They’re neither outrageously classified nor creatively misfiled, but they are quite sparse, and somewhat technicla.  SUBRON Abyssal started out as an American program, but later took on ‘official’ status as a NATO operation, with Israeli assets added in the 1960s.  The squadron today consists of the following submarines:

 

  • HMS Affray (UK)
  • INS Dakar (Israeli)
  • Minerve (France)
  • USS Scorpion
  • USS Thresher

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Sep
07
2017
2

Creature Seed: Murder Cheese.

Murder Cheese – Google Docs

Murder Cheese

 

You can eat it.  But you should not eat it, because if you ever see any, it was probably sent by an enemy that is trying to kill you.  Consuming any of the stuff will merely make the actual assassination itself a bit of a formality.

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Sep
04
2017
3

Item Seed: Magna Gladius ex Dumnonia.

Magna Gladius ex Dumnonia – Google Docs

Magna Gladius ex Dumnonia

 

This iron double-edged greatsword is fairly obviously magical, given that it was just pulled from the bottom of the River Tamar (Plymouth, United Kingdom) by a nine year old girl, yet is still as sharp and sound as the day that it was forged.  It’s a pretty thing, and clearly derived from the Roman aesthetic tradition: but the Celtic motifs are both obvious and well-crafted, and the sword is remarkably light in the hand (presumably).  Magna Gladius ex Dumnonia also has an inscription on it in Latin, which basically states that whoever holds this sword is the rightful ruler of the Kingdom of the Dumnonii.

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Sep
03
2017
5

Group Seed: BLIMP and ZEPPELIN.

BLIMP and ZEPPELIN – Google Docs

BLIMP and ZEPPELIN

One was called the Biometric-Learning (IMmersive) Protocols (BLIMP), and the other was known as the Zero-Emission, Population-Planning (Extra-Legal Invasive) Network (ZEPPELIN). They were both functional artificial intelligences: BLIMP was created via a DARPA grant in 1965, while ZEPPELIN was a private research project that achieved sentience 1967.  The records for both are spotty, since BLIMP and ZEPPELIN fought each other to presumably mutual destruction over the course of the next ten years.

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Sep
02
2017
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Creature Seed: Dehydrated Ambrosia.

Dehydrated Ambrosia – Google Docs

Dehydrated Ambrosia

 

Description: a wrapped, rectangular (6 inches by 3 inches by 3 inches) brick of gold-red, slightly spongy, organic material.  The stuff is slightly sticky to the touch, and is definitely water-soluble.  The wrapping consists of folded and sealed wax paper, with the words “Dehydrated Ambrosia: Mix with one Gallon of Water” written on the side.  In case anybody manages to do a successful trace of the package, it will prove to have originated from a now-defunct Californian winery that shut down during Prohibition.

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Sep
01
2017
5

Item Seed: The Hisarköy Anomalies. [Edited]

Hisarköy Anomalies – Google Docs

The Hisarköy Anomalies are named for their original location (Hisarköy, a Turkish village found on the ancient Byzantine site of Amorion). A clandestine NATO archeological operation (assisted by half-rogue Turkish military semanticists) uncovered the artifacts in early 2016, and managed to get them quietly airlifted out of the country by year’s end. Currently, the Anomalies reside in a black facility at Camp Bondsteel, Kosovo, and are being analyzed to a fare-thee-well.
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