All right, let’s get this over with. I’m 7/8ths Boston Irish Catholic, and I hate St. Patrick’s Day for precisely that reason. It’s a gala day of crude ethnic stereotypes mixed with people who dramatically show that they cannot handle their liquor: the first is excusable enough, but the latter grates on my soul. Particularly since the people who cannot handle their liquor typically drink horrifically bad beer that is often green.
Beer should not be green. If it comes out green, then you have done something wrong and you should not drink it. If you have dyed it green, you are a bad person and the beer should be taken away from you for its own protection.
That’s it. You can go back to wearing those stupid hats now.
Moe Lane
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: I’ll hopefully be able to pick up their 
at some point)
, and is (to the best to my knowledge) in the public domain.