I’m sorry, but some of these “superuseless superpowers”…

…are actually useful. Lukewarm touch? Molten lava. Ultra short range teleportation? That’d get you through a window without opening/breaking it, no problem at all. Complementary Chameleon? Air Search and Rescue will hire you on the spot.

Superuseless Superpowers
is a pretty cool site. I look forward to seeing more of these.

Update: Professor Caleb from comments is disputing my argument on the teleportation thing, and he’s even got a diagram, so it must be Science!;

I personally think that the entire thing can be explained away mathematically if you assume that the thing being teleported is defined as being one-dimensional. Yes, yes, yes: “assume the cow is a sphere.” Clearly I need to read Fear of Physics.