I’m still not really here. Go relax! Have some more pie. Or whiskey. Or embrace the healing power of “and.”
Yeah, that’s my post. Gimme a break: I’ve been packing and finding and cleaning and all that other stuff this afternoon.
Ben Domenech has written an awesomely cranky prebuttal to Barack Obama’s looming War On Thanksgiving Dinner’s pro-Obamacare agitprop tomorrow… and I’m not going to quote from that. I’m going to quote this:
I can’t believe President Obama made me write this, or made you have to read it. Come on, people, it’s the holidays – if you really can’t take a few days off from partisan politics, maybe it’s time to admit you have a problem. So please, do us all a favor, and ignore The Man’s push to spend Thanksgiving dinner talking about entitlement programs as our eyes glaze over. These administration folks don’t respect you – they lied to you in their talking points for years, and even now apparently think you’re too dumb to even talk to your family without their help. So if you find that as you ask for the gravy that you’re talking more about your BFFs Chait, Cohn, and Pollack than you do about friends you know in real life, may I respectfully suggest you consider making a New Year’s resolution to get a life outside of politics. Trust me: it’ll give everyone else something to be thankful about.
…tell me of the drinks that go well with your Thanksgiving Day feast. Personally, mine is very simple, if possibly lame: pumpkin ale. I make no apologies for being one of those people, but you can feel free to tell me what I should be imbibing, instead.
Point (The Daily Caller):
America’s families will soon get their turkey, potatoes and cranberries at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners — but some will also get a tableside political pitch for the Obamacare insurance network.
President Barack Obama’s deputies at Organizing for Action are urging supporters to give an Obamacare pitch to their relatives during the most iconic of American family and religious events.
“Take advantage of downtime after meals or between holiday activities to start your talk,” says OFA’s marketing script, titled “Health Care for the Holidays.”
Counter-point (The Onion):
In an effort to ensure a smooth and enjoyable dinner with their relatives, siblings Jason, Alyssa, and Leslie Conroy reportedly sat down together Tuesday evening for a PowerPoint presentation covering all of the conversation topics that will be off-limits during the family’s Thanksgiving gathering. “As you can see here, we’re unsure whether or not cousin Jessica is actually college-bound, so we’re going to avoid that subject and stick to the key talking points listed in this table,” said Alyssa Conroy, 26, during the siblings’ 48-slide presentation, which reportedly featured pie charts breaking down the state and national voting histories of extended family members, as well as Venn diagrams illustrating what each relative knows about their father’s upcoming surgery.
I normally don’t stoop to reporting tawdry celebrity gossip – unless, of course, there’s a political angle to it – but the story about Halle Berry’s ex-boyfriend getting the snot smacked out of him by Berry’s current fiance includes this, well, howler:
The fight took place during the American festival of Thanksgiving, traditionally the time for families to unite and celebrate their blessings.
HA! While the UK Daily Mail is not exactly incorrect about that, it is still being, shall we say, incomplete. Let’s just say that Festivus is not the only date on the American social calendar where there can be The Airing Of The Grievances, although I will admit that it rarely gets to the level of cracked ribs and stitches…
There may be another one tonight, but five and a half hour car rides tend to be draining.
Also: there is only one really noticeable improvement done to a turkey by deep frying it, but it’s a doozy: you get crispy skin everywhere. This can mean the difference between peace and war at the Thanksgiving table, so it’s nothing to sneeze at.
…aw, you know the rest. This is the greatest Thanksgiving moment in 20th Century American television. Well, one of the top five, at least.
I’d link to the show on Amazon, only they were forced to gut the DVD. No rights to use the music past the original broadcast/syndication run, you understand – and it was done back in the day when VHS was just taking off, so nobody really thought that this would be an issue later.
H/T: Constant reader Herp McDerp.
There was one person back in the old days who posted the same anguished cry for help, or at least an invitation to dinner, disguised as a not-very-good and not-especially-scathing indictment of early American history. I’d link to it, except that I don’t remember who wrote it and I have better things to do than look it up. Odd how the wheel keeps turning like that, huh? – Mind you, if I stopped blogging I’d be utterly forgotten within six months, tops. That’s the way the photons propagate in a wave function.
Anyway, I was going to be cruel (which is not unusual) and only link to @amandacarpenter‘s succinct summary of this Thanksgiving-tastes-of-bitterness New York Times op-ed complaining about how the President pardons turkeys but lets people be executed, but then I remembered that it is Thanksgiving tomorrow; and while it’s not as charitable a holiday as Christmas is it is one of those days where we share.
So let me share some traffic with Mr. Smith, here: and I certainly hope that he had somewhere to go for Canadian Thanksgiving… what? Oh, yes, the fellow’s operating out of some university or other in Montreal. Which means that he’s either Canadian himself, or a bitter exile. In either case, it’s mean to hope that Smith is not enjoying his possibly solitary existence…