Um. Brookline residents? Wild turkeys are edible.

I submit that remembering this detail may be wise.

Neighbors are on the offensive in Brookline after what some residents are describing as aggressive turkeys.

“They were attacking the vehicle,” Karen Halvorson said outside her home in the Aspinwall Hill neighborhood.

After getting in her truck, a neighbor came and ran the birds off but it didn’t stop there.

“Then, the turkeys came and started attacking my front door,” she said.

Wild turkeys also aren’t dumb. Roast a couple and the rest will get the hint. And if you’re worried about guns… well. Recurve bows are legal in Massachusetts; more to the point, they’re a lot quieter than a gun is.  Not that I’m suggesting that anybody go out at midnight and take out a few of the more stroppy birds with a bow.  Or get a pickup truck with a camper shell, take some bread, toss it in the back, drive to where the turkeys are. open up the back gate, wait for the turkeys to climb into the truck, close the back gate, then drive somewhere quiet to shoot the turkeys with an air rifle*.

I’m not suggesting any of that at all.  I’m suggesting that MA change the laws so that you can shoot the damn things.

Moe Lane


*This also works with Canada geese.  Or so I have been told.

Nihilistic turkeys.

They got nothing to live for, nothing ahead of them to look forward to, and nothing left behind to hold them back.  So why the hell not?  You call this life?

Residents of an Eastside neighborhood may have found relief from a gang that laid siege to the area over the past few months, kicking and biting at people, jamming up traffic and chasing terrified residents into their homes.

The gang – that’s what the U.S. Geological Survey calls a flock of wild turkeys – went after 68-year-old Carol Herzog on Monday, she said.


Officers with the state Department of Natural Resources took down both toms in the gang of six Tuesday morning, likely putting an end to the gang’s rampage.

Via AoSHQ Headlines – and here’s the gem of the piece, by the way.

“If you’re attacked by a person, there’s usually some reasoning, but a turkey has no reason.”

So, basically, this:

Only with turkeys.