Snippet: Zombie Lawn Gnomes

Welp. This is… this is stuff that I used to do more often. Blame this.

Zombie Lawn Gnomes

As apocalyptic entities go, these things are… disturbing and sanity-eroding, but they’re not exactly dangerous. Zombie Lawn Gnomes (people are still trying to figure out how to shorten that name properly) look like… well, they look like plaster or resin lawn gnomes that have been zombified. Eroded and greyish skin, visible bones, arms straight out… classic stuff, really. And yes, they move around in order to find their prey, which are… other lawn gnomes. Or small statuary. They’ll chomp on a terra cotta planter if there are no other options, but: it’s strictly ceramic with these guys. If you’re made out of meat or metal, they don’t care about you at all. Needless to say: any statuary that gets bitten by a Zombie Lawn Gnomes will transform into one itself; a human that gets bitten by one… apparently will only have that happen by accident, and there’s absolutely no long-term effect at all. Aside from getting a cut from something ceramic, of course.

The governments of the world, of course, would be heavily engaged of course in suppressing the knowledge of even the existence of Zombie Lawn Gnomes (assuming that the governments of the world actually can). Why ‘of course?’ …Because whatever Zombie Lawn Gnomes are, they are clearly Something Different. Zombie Lawn Gnomes should not exist in orderly, sensible universes. It doesn’t matter if they’re supernatural, esoteric, demonic, occult, or filled with nanobots (which is our generation’s way of saying ‘supernatural, esoteric, demonic, and/or occult,’); think about them too long, and some people freak out. And it’s the Lovecraft-style cosmic-terror style freak out, too. It’s like the things are designed to put over the edge all the people inclined to write down just how scared they are of the eldritch monstrosity that’s about to eat their spleen. And for all anybody knows… Zombie Lawn Gnomes are.

Oh, and how do you kill one? …You pick it up and drop it on the sidewalk? Kinetic energy seems to work pretty well with Zombie Lawn Gnomes, although I’d recommend against shooting them. It’d be pretty embarrassing to get shot by somebody who ricocheted a bullet off of a shambling ceramic zombie menacing a tomato planter…