Moby Hit: Whale-based anti-piracy manuevers in Gulf.

I suppose that it says something about me that I really would rather live in the Weekly World News‘ world:

WHALES TAKE DOWN SOMALI PIRATES

CAIRO—The Egyptian government is calling on the gentle giants of the sea to take out pirate ships, and the whales are getting the job done.

Somali privateers operating in the Indian Ocean have been robbing trade ships in the region and taking hostages, sometimes with political overtones. Egypt has responded with an elite fighting force of ramming whales trained to neutralize the vessels through headlong collisions.

[snip]

“They’re not human!” wailed a captured Somali pirate, after an engagement that left his ship a wreck and his crew prisoners. “I mean, I know they’re not human, but like…I mean it in the superlative sense, like they’re not bound by human limitations.”

In a very odd way, it’d be a bit more coherent. The weird stuff that happens there have reasons behind them. Or, at least, better ones than “Just because” or “because there was money in it.”