Crate of Cran
Presumably that’s what it should be called: “Cran” is what’s on both the crate, and the labels of the twenty-four individual 12-ounce cans inside that crate. Everything about the Crate of Cran is consistent with a mass-produced commercial foodstuff that is made openly and sold legally; the labels are machine-printed and affixed, cooking instructions and suggested recipes are included, and there’s even a non working barcode. Which is significantly alarming, because the principal ingredient of Cran is spiced and sliced human brain tissue. It’s not particularly healthy brain tissue, either: some fairly intensive analysis of the stuff suggests that the donors were older, not in the best of condition, and died while experiencing some stress. Which is, alarmingly, not too surprising to anybody who works in the meatpacking industry.
The company who apparently makes Cran is not the company that makes a certain ‘spiced ham’ processed food: in fact, nobody’s ever heard of the company at all. And trust me, the CDC and FBI went looking, once somebody opened up a can of Cran. Wherever this stuff came from – secret cannibal conspiracy, underground monster economy, the traditional alternate universe – there’s probably more crates of the stuff, and each one of them represents a mass killing. Covering that up (should the party be working for groups that would want it to happen) will be even hairier than usual. And absolutely, completely, no-fooling dangerous as well. Whoever makes Cran must be considered to be hostile towards normal human beings, pretty much by definition. At least, that’s the argument that the FBI is making, and it’s hard to fault their logic.
What? NO! Nobody knows how it tastes, and nobody cares, either. The investigation teams are well past the point where gallows humor could possibly help. The sheer matter-of-fact nature of this stuff’s packaging mentally oppresses, after a while. If the CDC/FBI ever finds the factory where Cran is made, they’ll have to draw straws to see who gets to set fire to the place…