My opening weekend prediction for Avengers: Endgame.

Ready? Here you go: a metric sh*tload. Which is what everybody else is saying, only they’re trying to gussy it up more: “Fandango reported this month that it sold out thousands of Endgame showtimes on its website and that theater owners were scrambling to post new showtimes and screens to meet fan demand (some as early as 4 AM and 6:30 AM for its opening day Friday). In its first seven days of presales on Fandango, Endgame sold five times as many tickets as last year’s Avengers: Infinity War.”

I’ve seen everything from three hundred million domestic to nine hundred million worldwide, and I absolutely decline to come up with a harder number than ‘metric sh*tload.’ This movie is gonna be a monster. I didn’t have trouble getting a ticket only because I’m going next Monday at 11 AM.

Moe Lane

PS: Oh, Lord: please don’t let it suck.

10 thoughts on “My opening weekend prediction for Avengers: Endgame.”

  1. No bet. Given the tailwind it’s got going, Endgame would have to be apocalypitcally awful to have a bad opening weekend.

    1. Thanos would have to show up and halve the population for it to have a bad opening weekend. And even then, it’d still make money

  2. It’s going to be huge.
    What comes after, is fraught. (Especially with all the chips stacked on Ms. Constipated Harridan.)

  3. “Oh, Lord: please don’t let it suck.”

    A friend of mine has seen it already (she works for Disney). She has reported back that it’s good.

  4. Not that it is big issue… Probably, not yet at least, and really only a problem to Theatre owners and not studios…but I’ve seen no reporting at all (because are there any reporters anymore, or just PR flacks and political hacks) that a portion of this great surge in pre-sales – maybe not a large percentage, but definitely a percentage – can directly be attributed to the creation of reserved-seat theatres and the ability to scalp those guarenteed seats. The studio doesn’t care, they get their cut. But for the theatre owner whose majority of revenue comes from in-house refreshments and accoutrements, sold but unused tickets are a loss.

    1. It’s funny: I started grabbing meals at the theater because I know that these guys make their money that way, but my local Regal chain theater offers a surprisingly decent cheeseburger and fries for the price. It ain’t a brewhouse or anything, but I’ve eaten worse and still come back to the restaurant.

  5. Is a “metric sh*tload” more or less than a “f*ckton”?

    I am not going until second week, sorta local theater has all seats on Tuesdays for $5 and the seating is in very good extra large electric recliners with footrests.

    1. “F*ckton” would be in imperial units, which would thus make them superior to metric. And by all means; get a recliner. It’s a three-hour movie.

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