Here we go!
Ted almost died when the pirates swarmed onto the ship.
It wasn’t his fault, he always muttered later, usually at the beer at the bottom of the bottle. He’d been told that hijacking wasn’t a problem anymore. Those bad old days were over and done with.
Everyone knew that, except maybe the pirates. When one of them pointed his rifle right at Ted’s head, he didn’t track it. It was just a joke, right? So Ted laughed. And the pirate laughed, too, just before he pulled the trigger — and nothing happened. The pirate laughed again, right before he slammed the rifle stock into Ted’s gut. That was apparently really funny, if not as much as seeing Ted throwing up his last meal.