In which I turn David Hasselhoff into a teachable moment.

So I get this video sent to me by Matt of Hawk’s Plateau.

Yes, I’m sorry.

Anyway, the thing about this video is, it can be a gateway. A gateway to all sorts of Deep Hurting for not only your regular readers, but for all the poor bastards who might stumble upon it six months or a year from now via an unwary search. Admittedly, it does a great job all on its own, but really: it could do so much more.

First off, there’s the merchandising aspects. There is, of course, an Amazon David Hasselhoff store, which will happily show you things like:

With an actual product description of:

Theres never a dull moment from the time clint northern meets dan john fighting bear at his granddaughters birthday party. The two take an instant dislike to each other but find themselves unlikely partners when theyre mistaken as the culprits of a local bingo heist! Studio: Arts Alliance America Release Date: 08/14/2007 Starring: David Hasselhoff Michael Moriarty Run time: 83 minutes

Truly, yes, pilgrims in an unholy land. And, oh, my, is there more there.

But if merchandising palls, there’s always the social network. Yes, David Hasselhoff has his own social network (called HoffSpace)… and that’s where you can really dig into your readers’ heads, because just as they’re ready to go completely snide about this you can point out the Wounded Warrior Project, which is a charity for seriously wounded war veterans that Hasselhoff supports.

And then, just when they’re feeling guilty, you spring this upon them. Don’t watch that for too long. In fact, don’t even click on that link.

See how that goes? Blogging is like gamemastering… well, no, it’s not, except that in both you can get away with mild sadism if you’re entertaining enough about it. Which I guess is enough.

Moe Lane