The BARBIE Main Trailer.

The trailer claims that you will love this movie either if you love Barbie, or hate Barbie. I genuinely respect that kind of boasting, and I look forward to seeing whether it’s justified. Straight up.

Seriously, BARBIE could be one messed-up flick.

Moe Lane

PS: There are barbies and kens in FROZEN DREAMS, by the way. Some of the best-to-write dialogue I’ve ever done, too.

The ‘I am forced to admit that I laughed’ BARBIE teaser trailer.

This BARBIE trailer is… remarkably self-aware. And cinematically literate! I mean, intellectually you understand that Greta Gerwig has of course seen 2001 multiple times; but then you promptly forget that fact, because she’s directing the freaking Barbie movie. Maybe this is even going to be slightly subversive! …Which normally I’d hate, but I have difficulty taking TV shoes and movies seriously when they’re based on existing toy franchises (even the ones I like). Even a little subversion is beating expectations.


Movies based on Barbie, Rubik’s Cube in development.

I wanna say ‘God help us’ – in fact, I will say ‘God help us’ because there’s no way that we’d get versions of either that anybody reading this would want to watch. No, really. I’ve got elevator pitches for both.

  • Rubik’s Cube. Invented behind the Iron Curtain, in a captive state whose counter-revolt was crushed decades before. A man trapped in that ensnared, grayed-out land seeks to create a teaching tool, and discovers he has made a puzzle of color and possibilities. Can it be solved?
  • Barbie. Margo Robbie starring? Then I just need five words, my friends: War crimes for the Gipper. Huh? HUH?

I think that both of these would work. Never gonna see ’em, though. Particularly the last one*.

Moe Lane

*To be fair, you can more or less pitch any stupid movie concept as ‘War crimes for the Gipper’ and it immediately gets 10x better.

I did not know this.

This is why we have an Internet, by the way: to tell us things like this.

The reason the Barbie doll has to have such a small waist relative to the size of the breasts is that Barbie is designed to look good in doll clothes, and when you make doll clothes, you have to use normal fabrics, and you have to make seams and double the fabric over in a way that gets very bulky, especially around the waist. The doll’s unreal proportions become much more real if you put the clothes on.

Mind you, this answer is a lot less satisfying to a certain type of mind than the alternative answer Toy companies hate women and want them to be unhappy.  In my (admittedly cynical and probably shallow) opinion, that attitude is mostly restricted to people in the fashion industry…

Moe Lane

PS: Shame? What’s that?