Quote of the Day, Dave Barry Laughs So That He Will Not Cry edition.

I’m afraid to admit that Dave Barry has a point about 2015.

At this point you are saying: “Wait a minute! Surely there were some positive developments in 2015! How about the fact that, after so many years of sneering judgmentalism and divisive, overheated rhetoric, we were able to have rational, open-minded conversations about such issues as gun ownership, gay marriage, race relations and abortion, so that, as a nation, we finally began to come together and … Whoa! Sorry! Evidently I am high on narcotics.”

Yes, you are. And we intend to join you soon.

Just make sure that they’re not bath salts! No, wait, that was 2012. …No, wait: that was 2012? God, where does the time go?

This is why I eat hot dogs *first*.

Before they can get me.

What?  Oh, Dave Barry reported today: “Vegan group warns hot dogs can kill you.”  Because, of course, if you don’t eat them you’ll live forever, or even noticeably longer than this particular bunch of religious fanatics.

No, I don’t know why you’d want to.

Anyway, time for a hot dog.  And for dinner…

Cheeseburger In Paradise

(Via somebody on Twitter)

#rsrh The Dave Barry 2010 year in review…

…is out, and it’s (as usual) good.  A taste:

Let’s put this year into a full-body scanner and check out its junk, starting with…

JANUARY

…which begins grimly, with the pesky unemployment rate remaining high. Every poll shows that the major concerns of the American people are federal spending, the exploding deficit, and — above all — jobs. Jobs, jobs, jobs: This is what the public is worried about. In a word, the big issue is: jobs. So the Obama administration, displaying the keen awareness that has become its trademark, decides to focus like a laser on: health-care reform. The centerpiece of this effort is a historic bill that will either (a) guarantee everybody excellent free health care, or (b) permit federal bureaucrats to club old people to death. Nobody knows which, because nobody has read the bill, which in printed form has the same mass as a UPS truck.

I miss his blogging.

It’s Dave Barry’s Year in Review time again.

Highlight of the New Year season, in my not-humble-at-all opinion.  A taste:

But the big political drama takes place in Washington, where David Souter announces that he is retiring from the Supreme Court because he is tired of getting noogies from Chief Justice Roberts. To replace Souter, President Obama nominates Sonia Sotomayor, setting off the traditional Washington performance of Konfirmation Kabuki, in which the Democrats portray the nominee as basically a cross between Abraham Lincoln and the Virgin Mary, and the Republicans portray her more as Ursula the Sea Witch with a law degree. Sotomayor will eventually be confirmed, but only after undergoing the traditional Senate Judiciary Committee hazing ritual, during which she must talk for four straight days without expressing an opinion.

The man’s still got it; apparently, nobody can figure out where he hides it, so they can’t take it away anyway.