On the Hillary Clinton 1994 Humor Suggestions Memo.

Well, Buzzfeed found a 1994 memo that suggested some japes and jocularity that then-First Lady Hillary Clinton could utter in order to show that, no, really, it’s just fine that they lost the midterms in a dramatic fashion.  No. Really! Hear her laugh?  Just like a human being, that laugh!

…Yeah, they were pretty bad jokes. Harmless, though – except for the ‘rezoned’ one, which I cannot repeat here. It’s kind of weird: prior to Monica Lewinsky, it would be a real stretch to see that as anything except a real estate joke; afterward, it’s virtually impossible to see it as anything but a sexualized one. Certainly if anybody repeated it today you could probably see the outrage storm from low Earth orbit…

Secret Florida primary training video leaked!

Never you mind how said training video was acquired, and/or which campaigns are going to use it to inform their operating methodology: that part’s not important.  What’s important is that this is how the next week is going to look, in the run-up to the Florida primary:


Continue reading Secret Florida primary training video leaked!

This worked suprisingly well.

The Obama Inauguration Speech Generator. I didn’t know the final version before I tried it out, I swear:

My fellow Americans, today is a actinic day. You have shown the world that “hope” is not just another word for “aliens”, and that “change” is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually invade.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces radiological and stark challenges like never before. Our economy is slimy. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for invasion fleets. Our healthcare system is tentacular. If your brain is sick and you don’t have insurance, you might as well call a scientist. And America’s image overseas is tarnished like a invasion fleet uranium mine. But mutating together we can right this ship, and set a course for The Washington Monument.

Finally, I must thank my squamous family, my mind-destroying campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank our women for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of leering the American people. Without your mutated efforts, none of this would have been possible.