We Are Dead And This Is Hell Watch: they’re going to reboot JURASSIC WORLD again.

Why? Because Universal believes in the multiverse theory, that’s why. They believe that, every time they make a movie, they create a universe where all of stuff in the film happens. This in itself might not seem so bad, except that Universal’s planning department is clearly under the control of a sadistic death cult that revels in pain and depravity*. By creating these movies of clever bloodthirsty dinosaurs and deeply, deeply stupid and self-destructive humans**, the cult can sacrifice entire worlds to their dark overlords, cackling in glee every Friday afternoon as they writhe in orgiastic frenzies…

Also, Universal just wants to personally annoy me by almost never doing feathered dinosaurs***.

*This is a joke.

**Seriously, the people in these movies have the survival instincts of pandas.

***This is also a joke. Not the part about me being annoyed; the part about Universal doing it deliberately.

Book of the Week: Jurassic Park.

I know that this is a little bit of a weird choice, but I spent the day looking through my library to see if I still had a copy of Michael Crichton’s Jurassic Park lying around.  If I spent that much time looking, it’s worth an entry, right?  That seems reasonable.  Even if I wanted to read it as an antidote to the Power Rangers dinosaur series that my children persist in watching. Over and over and over again.

And so, adieu to Brain Wave.

I don’t know whether I’m *sorry* to have missed Jurassic Park 2…

…or just really, really glad:

Via Do-Gooder Press.  It’s funny: when I saw Jurassic Park in theaters I was like Oh my God that is amazing. But by the time it hit VHS and I watched it again I was all Wow, that computer animation didn’t age well, did it? – And I don’t even know whether I’m being fair, there: it could have just been, you know, VHS. Either way: I somehow missed that the sequel involved uneven parallel bars, or whatever the term is.  Gimme a break, I haven’t had to concern myself with gymnastic events since the Soviet Union went belly-up and took with it the Olympics’ geopolitical relevance.

…I was originally going to just write “I got nothing,” but apparently that wasn’t true.

Moe Lane

QotD, …Ouch. Just… Ouch Edition. (OK, I guess it’s the OTHER QotD)

(Via Penny Arcade) From GamespotUK, on some suspicious reviews of Jurassic Park – The Game:

Between the reviewers’ constant lionizing of Telltale Games, complete sentences, proper punctuation, and paucity of spelling errors, we began to suspect that the user reviews were not the product of actual players, but of Telltale representatives.

Dag, that smarts.  Largely because it’s true.  You’d think that a communication medium that requires you to learn how to type before you get out of grammar school would also require you to learn how to spell and write properly, too…

Moe Lane