Tag: jurassic world

Apparently so.

What do you get when you cross early 90s nostalgia, a “super-dino more terrifying than any to walk the Earth before it,” and Millennial star power? The immediate answer seems to be about half-a-billion dollars.

Jurassic World, despite lukewarm-to-warm reviews, pulled off the highest-grossing global opening of all time with a $511.8 million haul this weekend.”This over-performed in a way that I’ve never seen,” one box office analyst told the AP. “It broke the box office sound barrier.”

This may be the magic bullet for rom-coms: write out your Girl Meets Boy story, and toss in a dinosaur fight every single time the guys in the audience start fidgeting.  I’m not talking out of my rear on this one, by the way. I pitched my idea to my wife on the way home from the park, and she nodded vigorously at the idea.  Added a good wrinkle, too: dinosaurs that bond with individual humans, forcing the Girl and Boy to work together to… we dunno. Capture the old Alpha dinosaur, or something.

The point is: romance + dinosaur fights = gold.  Gold, Jerry!

So I got tweeted this:

@moelane I absolutely need to know your opinion on the Jurassic World trailer.

— Chris Valentine (@cmvalentineb) November 25, 2014

…which refers to this:

So here’s my response: YOU DAFT IDJITS IN THAT UNIVERSE NEED TO STOP CLONING DINOSAURS. IT NEVER WORKS OUT THE WAY THAT YOU EXPECTED IT TO.

Seriously, guys. Cloning might be a respectable field of scientific study in my world, but in yours it’s a fast-track to Dino-Mega-Rampage. Maybe you guys should build, I don’t know, animatronic robots or something…

Moe Lane

PS: Look, there’s not a chance in Hell I will be capable of taking this movie seriously, sorry.